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  • NOT an all inclusive list. but this is a good summary of the issues my clients are having (and that I struggled with for a long time too!) Do you identify with any of these? Or have one to add to the list? This is a NO judgement zone. Awareness that we're struggling, unhappy, and unfulfilled in our relationships is a key first step towards healing!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you're ready to break free of these cycles, reach out to me. I have 2 spots open for my group program for women ready to heal their past so they can have the love they want. Doors close this Friday and group starts next week! Link in my bio @cassandra_solano to apply for the group or for my highly supportive 1:1 program.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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With Compassion,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • NOT an all inclusive list. but this is a good summary of the issues my clients are having (and that I struggled with for a long time too!) Do you identify with any of these? Or have one to add to the list? This is a NO judgement zone. Awareness that we're struggling, unhappy, and unfulfilled in our relationships is a key first step towards healing!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    If you're ready to break free of these cycles, reach out to me. I have 2 spots open for my group program for women ready to heal their past so they can have the love they want. Doors close this Friday and group starts next week! Link in my bio @cassandra_solano to apply for the group or for my highly supportive 1:1 program.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    With Compassion,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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    Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • 1,364 66 21 January, 2020
  • Your survival behavior tools simply do not work when you get out of a toxic situation. We need to replace them with healthy behaviors when we are in a place of recovery and healing.
  • Your survival behavior tools simply do not work when you get out of a toxic situation. We need to replace them with healthy behaviors when we are in a place of recovery and healing.
  • 4,393 124 28 June, 2019
  • I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression, had 3 psych hospitalizations, was put on Heavily sedating anti-psychotic medications, and was told I should try electro-shock-therapy. And I was 19.

What no one ever asked about was my trauma.

My family’s history of poverty, immigration trauma, my fathers alcoholism, the incest that went on ignored, the gaslighting from my mother, the terror of my dad confessing to me he wanted to kill himself when I was 10 and feeling responsibility for my parents, taking care of my siblings, being the go-between in my parents marriage, and my high school boyfriend sexually assaulting someone very close to me.

There was NO discussing these things in any of the hospitals and therapies I was sent to.

I’m not speaking for everyone, but in my case I was experiencing #CPTSD and it was being treated with labels, diagnosis by professionals, and becoming the black sheep in my family.

I turned to street drugs and became on the outside why I had always felt on the inside. Worthless.

None of this was true, I found out. There was nothing wrong with me, I was a perfect beautiful child with a strong will and personality who was “too much” and silenced. I had parents with unhealed trauma. I took it all on as my stuff. It wasn’t my burden to bear.

So healing has been a journey of reclaiming my WORTH, which is my 2020 “word of the year” as I travel from believing it to fully embodying it 15 years into my trauma healing journey.

To my new followers I’m so glad you’re here. I share my story in hopes that you find some hope and help here too.

With Compassion,

Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression, had 3 psych hospitalizations, was put on Heavily sedating anti-psychotic medications, and was told I should try electro-shock-therapy. And I was 19.

    What no one ever asked about was my trauma.

    My family’s history of poverty, immigration trauma, my fathers alcoholism, the incest that went on ignored, the gaslighting from my mother, the terror of my dad confessing to me he wanted to kill himself when I was 10 and feeling responsibility for my parents, taking care of my siblings, being the go-between in my parents marriage, and my high school boyfriend sexually assaulting someone very close to me.

    There was NO discussing these things in any of the hospitals and therapies I was sent to.

    I’m not speaking for everyone, but in my case I was experiencing #CPTSD and it was being treated with labels, diagnosis by professionals, and becoming the black sheep in my family.

    I turned to street drugs and became on the outside why I had always felt on the inside. Worthless.

    None of this was true, I found out. There was nothing wrong with me, I was a perfect beautiful child with a strong will and personality who was “too much” and silenced. I had parents with unhealed trauma. I took it all on as my stuff. It wasn’t my burden to bear.

    So healing has been a journey of reclaiming my WORTH, which is my 2020 “word of the year” as I travel from believing it to fully embodying it 15 years into my trauma healing journey.

    To my new followers I’m so glad you’re here. I share my story in hopes that you find some hope and help here too.

    With Compassion,

    Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • 2,432 103 20 January, 2020
  • You are Right. Your feelings are valid. Your perception, even if you were a child, is true. Your beliefs about what happened to you, whether it was big "T" trauma or little "T" trauma, all matter.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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My clients were often invalidated in their experience growing up in dysfunctional families and take this same thinking into their adult romantic relationships. They are unsure of themselves, unclear in what to do in their relationship, and feel confused about what is true.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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They may have a partner adding to their confusion, always blaming them for problems in the relationship. Or they are plagued with self doubt, disconnected from their inner knowing/intuition because in childhood they had to learn to ignore their own truth to SURVIVE.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This is why at the heart of my programs is helping womxn reconnect with their TRUTH, reclaim their INTUITION, gain CLARITY on their relationships so they can live AUTHENTICALLY.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And if you know 2020 if your year you are ready to take big action towards healing your life, reach out to me! I'm accepting new 1:1 clients for my highly supportive, 3 month program.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Serious inquiries head to the link in my bio @cassandra_solano to apply for a complimentary consultation! I look forward to hearing from you!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
With Compassion,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • You are Right. Your feelings are valid. Your perception, even if you were a child, is true. Your beliefs about what happened to you, whether it was big "T" trauma or little "T" trauma, all matter.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    My clients were often invalidated in their experience growing up in dysfunctional families and take this same thinking into their adult romantic relationships. They are unsure of themselves, unclear in what to do in their relationship, and feel confused about what is true.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    They may have a partner adding to their confusion, always blaming them for problems in the relationship. Or they are plagued with self doubt, disconnected from their inner knowing/intuition because in childhood they had to learn to ignore their own truth to SURVIVE.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    This is why at the heart of my programs is helping womxn reconnect with their TRUTH, reclaim their INTUITION, gain CLARITY on their relationships so they can live AUTHENTICALLY.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    And if you know 2020 if your year you are ready to take big action towards healing your life, reach out to me! I'm accepting new 1:1 clients for my highly supportive, 3 month program.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Serious inquiries head to the link in my bio @cassandra_solano to apply for a complimentary consultation! I look forward to hearing from you!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    With Compassion,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • 2,134 48 31 December, 2019
  • Your desires, dreams, and wants matter.

Even if your caregivers made you feel like they didn’t matter. Like you didn’t matter.

Even if you believe those stories you were told and have internalized a sense of insecurity, feeling not good enough, you still matter.

Part of the #reparenting process is giving ourselves what we didn’t receive as children.

So give yourself the validation, approval and love you needed, unconditionally and start now.

Start with “I love and approve of myself exactly as I am” and know your desires in your relationship are 💯 valid.

You deserve an amazing relationship, and it starts with you.

With Compassion,

Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • Your desires, dreams, and wants matter.

    Even if your caregivers made you feel like they didn’t matter. Like you didn’t matter.

    Even if you believe those stories you were told and have internalized a sense of insecurity, feeling not good enough, you still matter.

    Part of the #reparenting process is giving ourselves what we didn’t receive as children.

    So give yourself the validation, approval and love you needed, unconditionally and start now.

    Start with “I love and approve of myself exactly as I am” and know your desires in your relationship are 💯 valid.

    You deserve an amazing relationship, and it starts with you.

    With Compassion,

    Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • 2,107 74 9 hours ago
  • I help folx with unhealed #childhoodtrauma heal so they can find the confidence, authenticity, and clarity to have healthy adult relationships.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Many folx come to see me with a clear idea of who the parent was who committed the abuse, whether it was physical or #emotionalabuse and are ready to heal that.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What takes some folx by surprise is the healing that also needs to happen around the other parent or caregiver(s) that allowed the abuse to happen in various ways.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Most of my clients are not in themselves, abusive, but have identified with the adult who allowed the abuse in that they have allowed themselves to continued to be harmed (often unconsciously) in their adult lives.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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They date people "not on their level," who don't treat them well, who are emotionally abusive, are disrespectful of them or diminish their feelings.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This was my story for many years.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Because when the non-abusing parent denies the abuse is happening, something very insidious happens. Your own perception of reality becomes skewed (oh I guess it's not that bad because mom says it's not that bad!) you don't listen to your inner knowing, and cut off from your intuition.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This sets us up to not see "red flags" in our adult relationships (oh he doesn't hit me so it's not that bad. . .) and the cycle continues.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you can relate to having a harmful or abusive childhood, I am so deeply sorry. If you had other adults who did nothing to interfere, again I am so sorry. I know you are on the path to healing because you are on IG reading posts like this.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And if you're realizing you need support to break cycles of unhealthy relationships, reach out to me. I help folx heal so they can find healthy, fulfilling, successful relationships.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Link in my bio @cassandra_solano to apply for my 1:1 three month program. If you're motivated to change and invest in your healing we'll get on a complimentary consultation call to talk about the next steps!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
With Compassion,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • I help folx with unhealed #childhoodtrauma heal so they can find the confidence, authenticity, and clarity to have healthy adult relationships.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Many folx come to see me with a clear idea of who the parent was who committed the abuse, whether it was physical or #emotionalabuse and are ready to heal that.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    What takes some folx by surprise is the healing that also needs to happen around the other parent or caregiver(s) that allowed the abuse to happen in various ways.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Most of my clients are not in themselves, abusive, but have identified with the adult who allowed the abuse in that they have allowed themselves to continued to be harmed (often unconsciously) in their adult lives.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    They date people "not on their level," who don't treat them well, who are emotionally abusive, are disrespectful of them or diminish their feelings.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    This was my story for many years.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Because when the non-abusing parent denies the abuse is happening, something very insidious happens. Your own perception of reality becomes skewed (oh I guess it's not that bad because mom says it's not that bad!) you don't listen to your inner knowing, and cut off from your intuition.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    This sets us up to not see "red flags" in our adult relationships (oh he doesn't hit me so it's not that bad. . .) and the cycle continues.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    If you can relate to having a harmful or abusive childhood, I am so deeply sorry. If you had other adults who did nothing to interfere, again I am so sorry. I know you are on the path to healing because you are on IG reading posts like this.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    And if you're realizing you need support to break cycles of unhealthy relationships, reach out to me. I help folx heal so they can find healthy, fulfilling, successful relationships.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Link in my bio @cassandra_solano to apply for my 1:1 three month program. If you're motivated to change and invest in your healing we'll get on a complimentary consultation call to talk about the next steps!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    With Compassion,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Cassandra Solano, LCSW
  • 1,455 84 12 November, 2019

Latest Instagram Posts

  • Malignant narcissists love putting their targets in one bad situation after another by design. They do this to feed off of the victim’s distress, and also garner Narcissistic Supply from playing the hero.
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • Malignant narcissists love putting their targets in one bad situation after another by design. They do this to feed off of the victim’s distress, and also garner Narcissistic Supply from playing the hero.
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 307 17 5 hours ago
  • Please note, in this post I’m talking about narcissistic parents. There is a world of difference between invading your children’s privacy out of genuine concern for their safety and well-being, and snooping with malicious intent. I totally agree that in some cases snooping is justified, such as when your child exhibits a worrying change in their behavior. Also, these days children’s online safety is paramount, so parents should be mindful about what their children are doing on the internet.
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💞💞💞💞💞💞
  • Please note, in this post I’m talking about narcissistic parents. There is a world of difference between invading your children’s privacy out of genuine concern for their safety and well-being, and snooping with malicious intent. I totally agree that in some cases snooping is justified, such as when your child exhibits a worrying change in their behavior. Also, these days children’s online safety is paramount, so parents should be mindful about what their children are doing on the internet.
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💞💞💞💞💞💞
  • 1,016 126 12 hours ago
  • “The key insight here is that a fear of intimacy is not, at its heart, a fear of intimacy. It’s the fear of an insurmountable loss. If you don’t truly believe yourself capable of recovering after the loss of a loved one, you become very vulnerable to losing yourself. And that in itself is terrifying. Avoidance of intimacy might seem like the wisest way to minimize the risk of getting hurt.” From an article on fear of intimacy by Margaret Paul.  Margaret goes onto describe how to heal this in the article below:  https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-real-reason-youre-afraid-of-intimacy-and-how-to-fix-it--23535
  • “The key insight here is that a fear of intimacy is not, at its heart, a fear of intimacy. It’s the fear of an insurmountable loss. If you don’t truly believe yourself capable of recovering after the loss of a loved one, you become very vulnerable to losing yourself. And that in itself is terrifying. Avoidance of intimacy might seem like the wisest way to minimize the risk of getting hurt.” From an article on fear of intimacy by Margaret Paul. Margaret goes onto describe how to heal this in the article below: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-real-reason-youre-afraid-of-intimacy-and-how-to-fix-it--23535
  • 77 7 13 hours ago
  • Continuing to share posts that inspire me from other accounts here is a post and caption by @theholisticingredient and quote by @holly⁣
⁣
When we separate our voices by speaking our own truths we can unite collectively to share them. My truth is my own. Yours belongs to you.⁣
⁣
~ Roxanna 🖤🖤🖤⁣
⁣
Posted @withregram • @theholisticingredient Isn't it often one of the most inspiring things to hear someone speaking their truth, particularly online, without fear of reprisal. Speaking in such a way as not to preach or rage or judge; just sharing her truth openly, authentically. There can be an art to this, I think. I recall a few years ago feeling so awakened by people who had the capacity to do this - to just show up and speak, openly and without fear, whatever was on their mind. Hearing their words simply fuelled and empowered me to use my own voice, and to show up us ME, the only version of me I can ever truly be.⁣
⁣
It isn't my job to convert you to my way of thinking; I am not responsible for your choices or for your life and nor do I have the answers. But I sure do know that if each of us show up with the commitment to speak our truth (in a compassionate way) we can only together empower others to do same. What say you? (Quote: @holly x)
  • Continuing to share posts that inspire me from other accounts here is a post and caption by @theholisticingredient and quote by @holly

    When we separate our voices by speaking our own truths we can unite collectively to share them. My truth is my own. Yours belongs to you.⁣

    ~ Roxanna 🖤🖤🖤⁣

    Posted @withregram@theholisticingredient Isn't it often one of the most inspiring things to hear someone speaking their truth, particularly online, without fear of reprisal. Speaking in such a way as not to preach or rage or judge; just sharing her truth openly, authentically. There can be an art to this, I think. I recall a few years ago feeling so awakened by people who had the capacity to do this - to just show up and speak, openly and without fear, whatever was on their mind. Hearing their words simply fuelled and empowered me to use my own voice, and to show up us ME, the only version of me I can ever truly be.⁣

    It isn't my job to convert you to my way of thinking; I am not responsible for your choices or for your life and nor do I have the answers. But I sure do know that if each of us show up with the commitment to speak our truth (in a compassionate way) we can only together empower others to do same. What say you? (Quote: @holly x)
  • 1,177 17 16 February, 2020
  • 🔵 The narcissists’ enablers/flying monkeys are just as guilty, and fully complicit in the abuse. They are usually somewhat narcissistic themselves, and secretly derive satisfaction from seeing the carnage unfold.
.
🔵 In some ways, the enablers are actually worse than the Narcissist In Charge and here’s why:
➡️ They get off on the manufactured chaos and deviously feed off of the victim’s pain whilst pretending they’re ‘not involved.’
➡️ You often find the narcissist’s enablers are the ones deviously pulling all the strings behind the scenes.
➡️ They play the martyr with delight, and when it suits them, will leverage situations where the narcissist starts on them to play the victim.
.
🔵 Please note, when I talk about enablers I don’t mean background characters in the narcissist’s life who usually have no idea what’s going on. Nor do I mean other victims caught up in the narcissist’s web of lies acting out of self-preservation. I’m talking about those who turn out to be covert narcissist’s themselves, which in my experience, is most of them.
.
🔵 While an enabler can be anyone, it is typically someone close to the narcissist, such as their parent, sibling, friend, or spouse. Examples:
➡️ An enabling mother in-law to your narcissistic spouse – the dreaded enmeshed mother and son duo.
➡️ An enabling father to your narcissistic mother – the nightmare Mr & Mrs Narczilla pair.
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 🔵 The narcissists’ enablers/flying monkeys are just as guilty, and fully complicit in the abuse. They are usually somewhat narcissistic themselves, and secretly derive satisfaction from seeing the carnage unfold.
    .
    🔵 In some ways, the enablers are actually worse than the Narcissist In Charge and here’s why:
    ➡️ They get off on the manufactured chaos and deviously feed off of the victim’s pain whilst pretending they’re ‘not involved.’
    ➡️ You often find the narcissist’s enablers are the ones deviously pulling all the strings behind the scenes.
    ➡️ They play the martyr with delight, and when it suits them, will leverage situations where the narcissist starts on them to play the victim.
    .
    🔵 Please note, when I talk about enablers I don’t mean background characters in the narcissist’s life who usually have no idea what’s going on. Nor do I mean other victims caught up in the narcissist’s web of lies acting out of self-preservation. I’m talking about those who turn out to be covert narcissist’s themselves, which in my experience, is most of them.
    .
    🔵 While an enabler can be anyone, it is typically someone close to the narcissist, such as their parent, sibling, friend, or spouse. Examples:
    ➡️ An enabling mother in-law to your narcissistic spouse – the dreaded enmeshed mother and son duo.
    ➡️ An enabling father to your narcissistic mother – the nightmare Mr & Mrs Narczilla pair.
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 609 59 16 February, 2020
  • Abusers are fully conscious when they abuse without a shadow of a doubt. I know this is a difficult truth to accept, but these behaviors are decisions; abusers really do hurt others intentionally, and they execute their despicable deeds with gusto.
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💜Always remember, there is NEVER any excuse for abuse!
💜The perpetrator is always FULLY RESPONSIBLE for their actions!
💜You’ve done absolutely NOTHING to deserve it!
💜Abuse is ALWAYS unjustifiable, and NEVER your fault!
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • Abusers are fully conscious when they abuse without a shadow of a doubt. I know this is a difficult truth to accept, but these behaviors are decisions; abusers really do hurt others intentionally, and they execute their despicable deeds with gusto.
    .
    💜Always remember, there is NEVER any excuse for abuse!
    💜The perpetrator is always FULLY RESPONSIBLE for their actions!
    💜You’ve done absolutely NOTHING to deserve it!
    💜Abuse is ALWAYS unjustifiable, and NEVER your fault!
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 665 44 16 February, 2020
  • 💌 So who got Hoovered yesterday? Did you ignore it? Did you break No Contact? Please share your stories in the comments if you feel comfortable.
.
📆 If you broke No Contact, it’s okay, please don’t blame yourself. You’re only human, so give yourself a break. You can always start the strict No Contact regime again tomorrow! Mark a new date on your calendar!
.
🚫 If you completely ignored the narcissist’s Valentine’s Day Hoover, well done, keep doing what you’re doing!
.
☎️ For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, ‘Hoovering’ is when a narcissist you’ve previously gone No Contact with randomly touches base hoping to bait you into a response, and suck you back into the abuse cycle.
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 💌 So who got Hoovered yesterday? Did you ignore it? Did you break No Contact? Please share your stories in the comments if you feel comfortable.
    .
    📆 If you broke No Contact, it’s okay, please don’t blame yourself. You’re only human, so give yourself a break. You can always start the strict No Contact regime again tomorrow! Mark a new date on your calendar!
    .
    🚫 If you completely ignored the narcissist’s Valentine’s Day Hoover, well done, keep doing what you’re doing!
    .
    ☎️ For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, ‘Hoovering’ is when a narcissist you’ve previously gone No Contact with randomly touches base hoping to bait you into a response, and suck you back into the abuse cycle.
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 517 44 15 February, 2020
  • 💗 In case anyone needs this reminder today: The Silent Treatment is pernicious calculated abuse inflicted by narcissists and other toxics, whereas No Contact is a boundary implemented by survivors to protect themselves from further abuse -- including the dreaded Silent Treatment -- from narcissists, and therein lies the difference.
.
💗 Going No Contact is a huge step, and often an extremely difficult and painful decision for abuse survivors. There is no hidden agenda. It is usually put in place as a last resort so the target can start healing, and protect themselves from further suffering.
.
💗 Yet narcissists (and their fan club) love to rewrite history and play the victim, claiming that by going No Contact (or implementing any sort of boundary such as Careful Contact if strict No Contact isn’t possible), the victim is the one abusing THEM.
.
💗 To those of you who have recently implemented the No Contact regime with your abusers, please don’t second guess yourself. You did the right thing!
.
💗 I hope everyone is having a Happy Valentine’s Day! Much love,
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
💗💗💗💗💗💗
  • 💗 In case anyone needs this reminder today: The Silent Treatment is pernicious calculated abuse inflicted by narcissists and other toxics, whereas No Contact is a boundary implemented by survivors to protect themselves from further abuse -- including the dreaded Silent Treatment -- from narcissists, and therein lies the difference.
    .
    💗 Going No Contact is a huge step, and often an extremely difficult and painful decision for abuse survivors. There is no hidden agenda. It is usually put in place as a last resort so the target can start healing, and protect themselves from further suffering.
    .
    💗 Yet narcissists (and their fan club) love to rewrite history and play the victim, claiming that by going No Contact (or implementing any sort of boundary such as Careful Contact if strict No Contact isn’t possible), the victim is the one abusing THEM.
    .
    💗 To those of you who have recently implemented the No Contact regime with your abusers, please don’t second guess yourself. You did the right thing!
    .
    💗 I hope everyone is having a Happy Valentine’s Day! Much love,
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
    💗💗💗💗💗💗
  • 717 27 14 February, 2020
  • 💗 Bringing this one back for Valentine’s Day – because ‘love bombing’ also happens in narcissistic families.
.
💗 If you have identified someone in your family as a narcissist and they are ‘love bombing’ you after a long history of abuse, please know it is only done as a means to their ends. They have not changed so please keep your guard up!.
.
💗 This post is also applicable to narcissistic in-laws.
.
💗 Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
♥️💌🎈🌹🍾🥂♥️💌🎈🌹🍾🥂
  • 💗 Bringing this one back for Valentine’s Day – because ‘love bombing’ also happens in narcissistic families.
    .
    💗 If you have identified someone in your family as a narcissist and they are ‘love bombing’ you after a long history of abuse, please know it is only done as a means to their ends. They have not changed so please keep your guard up!.
    .
    💗 This post is also applicable to narcissistic in-laws.
    .
    💗 Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
    ♥️💌🎈🌹🍾🥂♥️💌🎈🌹🍾🥂
  • 487 27 14 February, 2020
  • Please stay strictly No Contact with the narcissist on Valentine’s Day and don’t be like Cheer Bear! 🤣
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕
  • Please stay strictly No Contact with the narcissist on Valentine’s Day and don’t be like Cheer Bear! 🤣
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕
  • 272 20 13 February, 2020
  • Repost from @lisacongdon- If I had only figured this stuff out when I was younger, I would have saved myself a lot of pain. We (especially women) are conditioned to believe the opposite of these four facts. Most of us grow into adulthood believing deeply that other people's needs are more important than our own and that we should always work toward yes!/pleasing/fixing. And we feel like a failure when we can't succeed at that, which makes it a viscous cycle, because it simply isn't possible all of the time. Yes, sometimes sacrificing for kids & partners in times of need is necessary. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about regular, everyday life & work. Abiding by these truths makes you a better, more present friend, partner, parent, boss, freelancer, client, employee, not a worse one. Honoring & being direct about your own needs helps you to stay out of resentment and stress and in presence and truth yourself and others. All of this can be enacted with love, respect & kindness. ❤️
  • Repost from @lisacongdon- If I had only figured this stuff out when I was younger, I would have saved myself a lot of pain. We (especially women) are conditioned to believe the opposite of these four facts. Most of us grow into adulthood believing deeply that other people's needs are more important than our own and that we should always work toward yes!/pleasing/fixing. And we feel like a failure when we can't succeed at that, which makes it a viscous cycle, because it simply isn't possible all of the time. Yes, sometimes sacrificing for kids & partners in times of need is necessary. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about regular, everyday life & work. Abiding by these truths makes you a better, more present friend, partner, parent, boss, freelancer, client, employee, not a worse one. Honoring & being direct about your own needs helps you to stay out of resentment and stress and in presence and truth yourself and others. All of this can be enacted with love, respect & kindness. ❤️
  • 245 13 13 February, 2020
  • As I discussed in my post from earlier this evening, victim-shaming and abuser-defending continue to flourish despite how fiercely protective I am of this community. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I make it crystal clear that I have zero tolerance for this behavior, it still keeps happening. It’s disheartening how these narcissistic bullies have the audacity to screw with us, but please know I’m doing my absolute best to keep our community as safe as possible.
.
I think many narcissists know we’re onto them, and because narcissism information is spreading like wildfire they’re running out of targets. So what do they do? They wreak havoc in the survivor community by spreading misinformation, bullying survivors, defending abusers, and being extremely rude. I’m so sick and tired of dealing with it.
.
If you ever see anything like this happening anywhere in our community, please let me know ASAP if you feel comfortable so I can report and preemptively block the harmful people behind these toxic accounts. Thank you so much. I hope everyone is having a peaceful week! Love and hugs, 
@dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💜💜💜💜💜💜
  • As I discussed in my post from earlier this evening, victim-shaming and abuser-defending continue to flourish despite how fiercely protective I am of this community. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I make it crystal clear that I have zero tolerance for this behavior, it still keeps happening. It’s disheartening how these narcissistic bullies have the audacity to screw with us, but please know I’m doing my absolute best to keep our community as safe as possible.
    .
    I think many narcissists know we’re onto them, and because narcissism information is spreading like wildfire they’re running out of targets. So what do they do? They wreak havoc in the survivor community by spreading misinformation, bullying survivors, defending abusers, and being extremely rude. I’m so sick and tired of dealing with it.
    .
    If you ever see anything like this happening anywhere in our community, please let me know ASAP if you feel comfortable so I can report and preemptively block the harmful people behind these toxic accounts. Thank you so much. I hope everyone is having a peaceful week! Love and hugs,
    @dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💜💜💜💜💜💜
  • 385 26 13 February, 2020
  • VICTIM-SHAMING A CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR – ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS?! The following incident actually happened over the weekend but I’ve been too upset to write about it until now. So a vile victim-blamer came in on their high horse to forgiveness-shame a childhood sexual abuse survivor. The survivor had previously commented on one of my posts talking about how she was immediately forgiveness-shamed after opening up to a trusted friend about the sexual abuse she endured as a child. So what did this vile troll do? They parroted back exactly what the so-called friend said about the importance of forgiving a peodophile, and proceeded to lecture her about holding onto bitterness. Absolutely no empathy for a childhood abuse survivor, no acknowledgement of the horrific abuse she endured, a toxic sense of entitlement to spew this harmful rubbish, & zero outrage at the abuser.
.
We all know how narcissists love to leverage our previous traumas & re-expose us by design to the very things they know caused us pain in the past, it’s sickening. I was absolutely appalled, and blocked them immediately.
.
Sadly, this is not an isolated incident. Another deplorable shame-shifter recently made a similar comment to another childhood sexual abuse survivor on their page.
.
Unfortunately our community is crawling with narcissists masquerading as victims who come out of the woodwork every now and then to upset the apple cart. Victim-shaming/abuser-defending continues to flourish despite how fiercely protective I am of this community. It’s disheartening how these types have the audacity to screw with us, but please know I’m doing my absolute best to keep our community as safe as possible.
.
I think many narcs know we’re onto them, & because narcissism info is spreading like wildfire they’re running out of targets. So what do they do? They wreak havoc in the survivor community spreading misinformation, bullying survivors, & defending abusers. I’m so sick & tired of dealing with it. If you ever see it happening, please let me know ASAP so I can preemptively block their asses.
.
Thank you for reading, I hope everyone is having a peaceful week! Love & hugs,
@dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💞💞💞
  • VICTIM-SHAMING A CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR – ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS?! The following incident actually happened over the weekend but I’ve been too upset to write about it until now. So a vile victim-blamer came in on their high horse to forgiveness-shame a childhood sexual abuse survivor. The survivor had previously commented on one of my posts talking about how she was immediately forgiveness-shamed after opening up to a trusted friend about the sexual abuse she endured as a child. So what did this vile troll do? They parroted back exactly what the so-called friend said about the importance of forgiving a peodophile, and proceeded to lecture her about holding onto bitterness. Absolutely no empathy for a childhood abuse survivor, no acknowledgement of the horrific abuse she endured, a toxic sense of entitlement to spew this harmful rubbish, & zero outrage at the abuser.
    .
    We all know how narcissists love to leverage our previous traumas & re-expose us by design to the very things they know caused us pain in the past, it’s sickening. I was absolutely appalled, and blocked them immediately.
    .
    Sadly, this is not an isolated incident. Another deplorable shame-shifter recently made a similar comment to another childhood sexual abuse survivor on their page.
    .
    Unfortunately our community is crawling with narcissists masquerading as victims who come out of the woodwork every now and then to upset the apple cart. Victim-shaming/abuser-defending continues to flourish despite how fiercely protective I am of this community. It’s disheartening how these types have the audacity to screw with us, but please know I’m doing my absolute best to keep our community as safe as possible.
    .
    I think many narcs know we’re onto them, & because narcissism info is spreading like wildfire they’re running out of targets. So what do they do? They wreak havoc in the survivor community spreading misinformation, bullying survivors, & defending abusers. I’m so sick & tired of dealing with it. If you ever see it happening, please let me know ASAP so I can preemptively block their asses.
    .
    Thank you for reading, I hope everyone is having a peaceful week! Love & hugs,
    @dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💞💞💞
  • 493 60 13 February, 2020
  • l o v e ➕ Love brings up everything unlike itself. When love walks into the room, it makes us think about all the love we never received, all the times we thought we had to work hard for it and earn it, and all the times we tied our self-worth to the amount of love we were or were not given.

Love can even bring up feelings of grief for all the moments when we were made to feeling unlovable or unworthy. Those feelings hurt us. but the thoughts we had and the way we licked our wounds felt like best friends at the time. We grieve feeling small.

If you shine love on all people, you are going to be met by most people with everything that love is not. They have to purge those thoughts and feelings before they can make room for, trust, and receive what they said they always wanted.

You disturb the air.

It's healing.

Healing takes a while.

Don't lose heart.
  • l o v e ➕ Love brings up everything unlike itself. When love walks into the room, it makes us think about all the love we never received, all the times we thought we had to work hard for it and earn it, and all the times we tied our self-worth to the amount of love we were or were not given.

    Love can even bring up feelings of grief for all the moments when we were made to feeling unlovable or unworthy. Those feelings hurt us. but the thoughts we had and the way we licked our wounds felt like best friends at the time. We grieve feeling small.

    If you shine love on all people, you are going to be met by most people with everything that love is not. They have to purge those thoughts and feelings before they can make room for, trust, and receive what they said they always wanted.

    You disturb the air.

    It's healing.

    Healing takes a while.

    Don't lose heart.
  • 9 1 12 February, 2020
  • Everyday this makes more sense to me and I wrote this 03/19/18 🔑
  • Everyday this makes more sense to me and I wrote this 03/19/18 🔑
  • 1,505 41 12 February, 2020
  • ➡️ I definitely don’t think narcissists are in pain, and many experts agree with my stance. These destructive individuals are actually rather emotionless bar rage, sick satisfaction, malignant jealousy, hate, and in some cases, boredom.
.
➡️ Please also remember that most narcissists are pathological liars, so chances are they are lying about or embellishing their past traumas to garner pity or excuse their abhorrent behavior.
.
➡️ Also, consider the vast amount of childhood abuse survivors who do not become narcissistic. In fact, many Adult Children of Narcissists turn out to be the kindest people who go above and beyond to help others. Take a look around the survivor community!
.
➡️ Bottom line: narcissists are not in pain! Save your compassion for the real victims who have suffered enough!
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • ➡️ I definitely don’t think narcissists are in pain, and many experts agree with my stance. These destructive individuals are actually rather emotionless bar rage, sick satisfaction, malignant jealousy, hate, and in some cases, boredom.
    .
    ➡️ Please also remember that most narcissists are pathological liars, so chances are they are lying about or embellishing their past traumas to garner pity or excuse their abhorrent behavior.
    .
    ➡️ Also, consider the vast amount of childhood abuse survivors who do not become narcissistic. In fact, many Adult Children of Narcissists turn out to be the kindest people who go above and beyond to help others. Take a look around the survivor community!
    .
    ➡️ Bottom line: narcissists are not in pain! Save your compassion for the real victims who have suffered enough!
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 639 84 11 February, 2020
  • Hello to some new followers. A few words to say hi and introduce myself •
•
I work as a psychotherapist in private practice in London, UK seeing adults and couples. I am registered with UKCP and BACP. I have been seeing some of my lovely clients today. Swipe to see my office on a Tuesday, I feel happy and blessed to sit in this beautiful space and work. This job is a great privilege. Helping people journey home to themselves is very special and touching. •
•
This is not my first career. I worked in investment banks and management consulting for many years. •
•
I feel bright eyed and cheerful today having had my first full night’s sleep in about 2 weeks. We have twin girls who are 3 and they have endless winter bugs as their immune systems mature. •
•
I have not always felt this cheerful or calm, it changes day by day and I have learnt to welcome it all. I have had my own long journey in therapy, and am grateful to have had that time to unpick my life so I can consciously make choices instead of acting out from untreated trauma. Therapy has saved my life and I am passionate about the transformative and healing benefits of a good therapy relationship. •
•
A wide variety of other things have also helped me (in no particular order): EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, tapping, acupuncture, mindful breathing, meditation, yoga, journaling and writing, community, aromatherapy oils, sharing my story, walking, swimming, running, connection to self, friendship, love. And medication saved me when I had post natal anxiety and depression.
•
•
I met my husband online so I have a positive story to share about internet dating 👏🏻👏🏻😊😊 we were a bit vintage as we met on match.com!! I am 43. •
•
I feel a bit scared sharing this and I also know that the way to break down shame is to share about things we perceive we should have shame about, in a way that feels comfortable for us. Shame keeps us quiet, small, scared, separate and sick. I have had some major life lessons around shame which have taught me to own ALL of my story and stand tall. So today I am sharing this with you, standing tall and owning all of me. I invite you into doing the same for yourself! Share below 💚
  • Hello to some new followers. A few words to say hi and introduce myself •

    I work as a psychotherapist in private practice in London, UK seeing adults and couples. I am registered with UKCP and BACP. I have been seeing some of my lovely clients today. Swipe to see my office on a Tuesday, I feel happy and blessed to sit in this beautiful space and work. This job is a great privilege. Helping people journey home to themselves is very special and touching. •

    This is not my first career. I worked in investment banks and management consulting for many years. •

    I feel bright eyed and cheerful today having had my first full night’s sleep in about 2 weeks. We have twin girls who are 3 and they have endless winter bugs as their immune systems mature. •

    I have not always felt this cheerful or calm, it changes day by day and I have learnt to welcome it all. I have had my own long journey in therapy, and am grateful to have had that time to unpick my life so I can consciously make choices instead of acting out from untreated trauma. Therapy has saved my life and I am passionate about the transformative and healing benefits of a good therapy relationship. •

    A wide variety of other things have also helped me (in no particular order): EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, tapping, acupuncture, mindful breathing, meditation, yoga, journaling and writing, community, aromatherapy oils, sharing my story, walking, swimming, running, connection to self, friendship, love. And medication saved me when I had post natal anxiety and depression.


    I met my husband online so I have a positive story to share about internet dating 👏🏻👏🏻😊😊 we were a bit vintage as we met on match.com!! I am 43. •

    I feel a bit scared sharing this and I also know that the way to break down shame is to share about things we perceive we should have shame about, in a way that feels comfortable for us. Shame keeps us quiet, small, scared, separate and sick. I have had some major life lessons around shame which have taught me to own ALL of my story and stand tall. So today I am sharing this with you, standing tall and owning all of me. I invite you into doing the same for yourself! Share below 💚
  • 115 51 11 February, 2020
  • That’s how they keep you hooked and addicted to the cycle by have you over explain everything.
  • That’s how they keep you hooked and addicted to the cycle by have you over explain everything.
  • 2,927 112 10 February, 2020
  • When the designated golden children still stick around the narcissistic parents after they’ve come of age, it’s often for cash and prizes.
.
🤑 Even in cases where they can’t actually stand them, they play along with your parents’ dysfunction as a means to their ends.
.
🧘‍♀️ Please prioritize taking care of yourself. Sadly, this may involve going No Contact, or Careful Contact with the golden child(ren) as well as your toxic parents.
.
♥️ If you have already gone No Contact with your toxic siblings, please don’t second-guess yourself, you did the right thing!
.
♥️ Please note, this post pertains to narcissistic golden children, who instead of doing the right thing when they came of age, turned into full-blown narcissists themselves. I don’t mean to offend any former golden children in this community who made the right choice and got the hell away from the Shit Den. I applaud you for doing the right thing!
👏👏👏♥️♥️♥️🙌🙌🙌
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • When the designated golden children still stick around the narcissistic parents after they’ve come of age, it’s often for cash and prizes.
    .
    🤑 Even in cases where they can’t actually stand them, they play along with your parents’ dysfunction as a means to their ends.
    .
    🧘‍♀️ Please prioritize taking care of yourself. Sadly, this may involve going No Contact, or Careful Contact with the golden child(ren) as well as your toxic parents.
    .
    ♥️ If you have already gone No Contact with your toxic siblings, please don’t second-guess yourself, you did the right thing!
    .
    ♥️ Please note, this post pertains to narcissistic golden children, who instead of doing the right thing when they came of age, turned into full-blown narcissists themselves. I don’t mean to offend any former golden children in this community who made the right choice and got the hell away from the Shit Den. I applaud you for doing the right thing!
    👏👏👏♥️♥️♥️🙌🙌🙌
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 495 67 10 February, 2020
  • ...and here are a few more I couldn’t fit on the meme:
.
➡️ They ignore, minimize, or sabotage your achievements.
.
➡️ They join forces with other narcissists, and anyone who dislikes you.
.
➡️ They play favorites with each other to cause you pain.
.
➡️ They won’t allow you to meet certain people in their social circle.
.
➡️ They may physically attack you.
.
➡️ They play you off against one another and others via triangulation and smear campaigns.
.
➡️ They encourage you to stick it out with an abusive significant other.
.
➡️ They appear to have pathologically lied to those around them.
.
➡️ They display fake altruism, e.g. may help those in need but only to look good.
.
➡️ They control one another.
.
➡️ They are in constant competition with you.
.
➡️ They exclude you by design, or invite you then uninvite you to events.
.
➡️ They gaslight you that the abuse is all in your head.
.
➡️ May occasionally ‘love bomb’ you with displays of faux love, but they always have ulterior motives.
-
💟 All of these are personal examples pertaining to my experiences with two narcissistic golden child siblings. As with all narcissists, when they came of age they fully understood right from wrong, and could have done the right thing by breaking free from the Shit Den like I (ex family scapegoat) did. But instead, they consciously chose the path of least resistance, and carried on abusing me right where my parents left off. They are also abusive and controlling to their spouses, plus certain people in their circle they targeted. My siblings have been full blown narcissists since their late teens. I am No Contact with the whole Shit Den, and haven’t spoken to them in years. They Hoover once or twice a year, but I just ignore it.
.
💟 To those of you out there with toxic siblings, do you identify with my experiences? Please share your stories in the comment section below if you feel comfortable. Much love,
@dont_gaslight_me_bruh
💜💜💜💜💜💜
  • ...and here are a few more I couldn’t fit on the meme:
    .
    ➡️ They ignore, minimize, or sabotage your achievements.
    .
    ➡️ They join forces with other narcissists, and anyone who dislikes you.
    .
    ➡️ They play favorites with each other to cause you pain.
    .
    ➡️ They won’t allow you to meet certain people in their social circle.
    .
    ➡️ They may physically attack you.
    .
    ➡️ They play you off against one another and others via triangulation and smear campaigns.
    .
    ➡️ They encourage you to stick it out with an abusive significant other.
    .
    ➡️ They appear to have pathologically lied to those around them.
    .
    ➡️ They display fake altruism, e.g. may help those in need but only to look good.
    .
    ➡️ They control one another.
    .
    ➡️ They are in constant competition with you.
    .
    ➡️ They exclude you by design, or invite you then uninvite you to events.
    .
    ➡️ They gaslight you that the abuse is all in your head.
    .
    ➡️ May occasionally ‘love bomb’ you with displays of faux love, but they always have ulterior motives.
    -
    💟 All of these are personal examples pertaining to my experiences with two narcissistic golden child siblings. As with all narcissists, when they came of age they fully understood right from wrong, and could have done the right thing by breaking free from the Shit Den like I (ex family scapegoat) did. But instead, they consciously chose the path of least resistance, and carried on abusing me right where my parents left off. They are also abusive and controlling to their spouses, plus certain people in their circle they targeted. My siblings have been full blown narcissists since their late teens. I am No Contact with the whole Shit Den, and haven’t spoken to them in years. They Hoover once or twice a year, but I just ignore it.
    .
    💟 To those of you out there with toxic siblings, do you identify with my experiences? Please share your stories in the comment section below if you feel comfortable. Much love,
    @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
    💜💜💜💜💜💜
  • 565 81 7 February, 2020
  • When trying to tell your story, you’re likely to be met with resistance from the do-gooder brigade in the form of dismissive and invalidating statements, such as:
.
🗣 Rise above it!
🗣 Move on!
🗣 He/she isn’t that bad!
🗣 Get over it!
🗣 Stop dwelling!
🗣 You’re just attention seeking!
🗣 Oh just forget them!
🗣 Stop letting it get to you!
🗣 Put them out of your mind!
🗣 Stop being negative!
🗣 This is all you talk about!
🗣 Let it go!
🗣 Stop holding grudges!
🗣 You sound so angry!
🗣 You must forgive them!
.
Please don’t let others deter you from sharing your stories and speaking your truth (only when you feel ready/comfortable of course). Remember, the more we expose the truth about narcissism, the sooner this information will go (even more) mainstream, and once that happens it’s game over for these destructive individuals and their fan club!
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
💕💕💕💕💕💕
  • When trying to tell your story, you’re likely to be met with resistance from the do-gooder brigade in the form of dismissive and invalidating statements, such as:
    .
    🗣 Rise above it!
    🗣 Move on!
    🗣 He/she isn’t that bad!
    🗣 Get over it!
    🗣 Stop dwelling!
    🗣 You’re just attention seeking!
    🗣 Oh just forget them!
    🗣 Stop letting it get to you!
    🗣 Put them out of your mind!
    🗣 Stop being negative!
    🗣 This is all you talk about!
    🗣 Let it go!
    🗣 Stop holding grudges!
    🗣 You sound so angry!
    🗣 You must forgive them!
    .
    Please don’t let others deter you from sharing your stories and speaking your truth (only when you feel ready/comfortable of course). Remember, the more we expose the truth about narcissism, the sooner this information will go (even more) mainstream, and once that happens it’s game over for these destructive individuals and their fan club!
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
    💕💕💕💕💕💕
  • 989 86 5 February, 2020
  • __It is not a therapist’s job to tell you you’re in a relationship with or are the adult child of an abuser. You have to come to that understanding on your own. But they should know how to help you understand intent and know how to guide you in naming abuse tactics and harm. For instance, I told a therapist about an incident that  happened to me in my early twenties, I also asked her to read some writing I had done about the incident. She was unable to recognize that I was coming to terms with a past sexual assault—she didn’t ask if I’d named it as such because that wasn’t part of her lexicon. She stared at the writing, mouth agape, and said nothing. I had fragmented memories coming to the surface and aligning, and I needed truth and empathy spoken into my experience. She provided none of that. At one point, this same therapist made the statement, “It is the rare human being who does things with intent.” This is false and dangerous. It prevented me from seeing things through a clear lens and keeping myself safe. If you are being gaslit about your lived (REAL) experience of abuse, harm or violence, past or present, you are not in good hands.
.
.
Furthermore, if you’re being told everything that is wrong with you (shamed), you are shamed for your reactions to violence (more shame), and/or they appear to have an aversion to your emotions (again, SHAME)—you need to find a new therapist. Fast ✨
.
.
.
#tellyourstory #narcissisticabuse #therapy #metoo #narcissisticabuserecovery #emotionalabuse #evil #violence #adultchildrenofnarcissists #enablers #psychology #psychotherapy #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticmother #gaslighting  #familydynamics #sociopathy #psychopathy  #predation #psychologicalabuse #games #lies #truth #spiritleadme
  • __It is not a therapist’s job to tell you you’re in a relationship with or are the adult child of an abuser. You have to come to that understanding on your own. But they should know how to help you understand intent and know how to guide you in naming abuse tactics and harm. For instance, I told a therapist about an incident that happened to me in my early twenties, I also asked her to read some writing I had done about the incident. She was unable to recognize that I was coming to terms with a past sexual assault—she didn’t ask if I’d named it as such because that wasn’t part of her lexicon. She stared at the writing, mouth agape, and said nothing. I had fragmented memories coming to the surface and aligning, and I needed truth and empathy spoken into my experience. She provided none of that. At one point, this same therapist made the statement, “It is the rare human being who does things with intent.” This is false and dangerous. It prevented me from seeing things through a clear lens and keeping myself safe. If you are being gaslit about your lived (REAL) experience of abuse, harm or violence, past or present, you are not in good hands.
    .
    .
    Furthermore, if you’re being told everything that is wrong with you (shamed), you are shamed for your reactions to violence (more shame), and/or they appear to have an aversion to your emotions (again, SHAME)—you need to find a new therapist. Fast ✨
    .
    .
    .
    #tellyourstory #narcissisticabuse #therapy #metoo #narcissisticabuserecovery #emotionalabuse #evil #violence #adultchildrenofnarcissists #enablers #psychology #psychotherapy #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticmother #gaslighting #familydynamics #sociopathy #psychopathy #predation #psychologicalabuse #games #lies #truth #spiritleadme
  • 34 6 5 February, 2020
  • #delusional is their middle name! 🧜‍♂️🔱🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️🙄🤣
To the person who accused me of being fat-phobic – I made this meme in good humor because I think the man looks hilarious holding his rake! I wasn’t making fun of his size, or trying to body shame him in any way. I think all bodies are beautiful. 💙💙💙
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • #delusional is their middle name! 🧜‍♂️🔱🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️🙄🤣
    To the person who accused me of being fat-phobic – I made this meme in good humor because I think the man looks hilarious holding his rake! I wasn’t making fun of his size, or trying to body shame him in any way. I think all bodies are beautiful. 💙💙💙
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 1,192 79 5 February, 2020
  • Repairing after rage is really important so we can reconnect with our kids and initiating this repair is our responsibility as parents, we are the adults in the relationship, although when triggered it may not feel like it! •
•
Here I talk about repairing with your children and explain how I do it. What I forgot to say is that this process increases resilience. It is important for our children and the creation of a wide window of tolerance for them that they experience rupture and repair. •
•
Essentially, what is REALLY important is how we deal with the situation after the rupture. •
And someone walked into my office - excuse that at the end! •
I will be doing some questions on rage on stories tomorrow evening.
  • Repairing after rage is really important so we can reconnect with our kids and initiating this repair is our responsibility as parents, we are the adults in the relationship, although when triggered it may not feel like it! •

    Here I talk about repairing with your children and explain how I do it. What I forgot to say is that this process increases resilience. It is important for our children and the creation of a wide window of tolerance for them that they experience rupture and repair. •

    Essentially, what is REALLY important is how we deal with the situation after the rupture. •
    And someone walked into my office - excuse that at the end! •
    I will be doing some questions on rage on stories tomorrow evening.
  • 34 6 4 February, 2020
  • Are you tired of rehashing the past? Over and over again?

Great! 
Because it’s not doing you any good.

Rehashing the past over and over again only reinforces thought patterns that aren’t useful to you.

None of us can change the past. No matter how much we’d like to.

The only thing we can change is what we believe about the past. - Why are you holding on to the past so tightly?
- What are you making the past mean in your life right now?

Let the past stay where it belongs... in the past.

Learn from your past.

Look forward to your future.

And LIVE in the present.

Join me live on Thursday February 6th at 11:30am MT on Facebook or 12:00pm MT on Instagram @danikaholtcoaching for more about the past and improving your relationships by leaving it all in the past.

See you then!
  • Are you tired of rehashing the past? Over and over again?

    Great!
    Because it’s not doing you any good.

    Rehashing the past over and over again only reinforces thought patterns that aren’t useful to you.

    None of us can change the past. No matter how much we’d like to.

    The only thing we can change is what we believe about the past. - Why are you holding on to the past so tightly?
    - What are you making the past mean in your life right now?

    Let the past stay where it belongs... in the past.

    Learn from your past.

    Look forward to your future.

    And LIVE in the present.

    Join me live on Thursday February 6th at 11:30am MT on Facebook or 12:00pm MT on Instagram @danikaholtcoaching for more about the past and improving your relationships by leaving it all in the past.

    See you then!
  • 10 1 4 February, 2020
  • It has literally taken me 40 years of living to not be afraid to give my best. At anything. I was raised to believe I couldn’t dream of coming close to being successful at anything I undertook, and trying wasn’t worth it. So I didn’t. That’s disgusting. But it’s my truth. I’ve been in this place before, where I say “that’s all about to change! Look out world!” just the once. And then I fell back into a long term self punishing depression hole. But I’m here now, and I intend to take it all the way this time. 🤞✌️✌️👊 #repost #adultchildren #adultchildrenofnarcissists #adultchildrenofabuse #cptsdrecovery  #boom
  • It has literally taken me 40 years of living to not be afraid to give my best. At anything. I was raised to believe I couldn’t dream of coming close to being successful at anything I undertook, and trying wasn’t worth it. So I didn’t. That’s disgusting. But it’s my truth. I’ve been in this place before, where I say “that’s all about to change! Look out world!” just the once. And then I fell back into a long term self punishing depression hole. But I’m here now, and I intend to take it all the way this time. 🤞✌️✌️👊 #repost #adultchildren #adultchildrenofnarcissists #adultchildrenofabuse #cptsdrecovery #boom
  • 40 2 3 February, 2020
  • I’m here to remind you that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about for implementing strong boundaries or the strict No Contact regime with anyone who has caused you harm, even if they happen to be ‘family.’
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • I’m here to remind you that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about for implementing strong boundaries or the strict No Contact regime with anyone who has caused you harm, even if they happen to be ‘family.’
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 1,624 163 3 February, 2020
  • When I was a child, I knew nothing of what it meant to have alcoholism impact a family system. I was unaware as to how alcoholism could impact sibling relationships and how addiction could infect every member of a family near or far. 
Growing up, I thought I was crazy, wrong, broken, and of course, unworthy. 
I had no clue my parents were in denial, stuck, and could not experience their emotions in a healthy way. The little girl in me only knew my house was strict, eerily superficial, and that I longed to feel loved by the parents I adored. 
Adult children of homes impacted by addiction, narcissism, abuse, and emotional neglect grow up feeling stained, invalid, and like they are doomed to live a life of defeat. 
I am here to tell you, that is not true!

You can recover from codependency, shame, loneliness and I am not enough stuff!

I promise...you just can't ever give up!

Welcome to all the members of the February 2020 12 Week Coaching Program! 
My team and I are honored to be your guides through the programming that has kept you living and believing in lies. 
See you soon!
  • When I was a child, I knew nothing of what it meant to have alcoholism impact a family system. I was unaware as to how alcoholism could impact sibling relationships and how addiction could infect every member of a family near or far.
    Growing up, I thought I was crazy, wrong, broken, and of course, unworthy.
    I had no clue my parents were in denial, stuck, and could not experience their emotions in a healthy way. The little girl in me only knew my house was strict, eerily superficial, and that I longed to feel loved by the parents I adored.
    Adult children of homes impacted by addiction, narcissism, abuse, and emotional neglect grow up feeling stained, invalid, and like they are doomed to live a life of defeat.
    I am here to tell you, that is not true!

    You can recover from codependency, shame, loneliness and I am not enough stuff!

    I promise...you just can't ever give up!

    Welcome to all the members of the February 2020 12 Week Coaching Program!
    My team and I are honored to be your guides through the programming that has kept you living and believing in lies.
    See you soon!
  • 321 7 3 February, 2020
  • You are not Delicious Prey. .
.
Aayan Hirsi Ali is one of my heroes. I don’t say that lightly because I do not idolize people. However, she is one of the bravest human beings in modern history and her efforts toward the betterment of humanity have been heroic, so I make no apologies about stating this as a fact. She is an atheist, author and an advocate for religious reform. She was also a victim of female genital mutilation in childhood and speaks unflinchingly about it.
.
When I was dating someone who turned out to be a highly problematic person, I expressed how much I admired Ms. Hirsi Ali and how deeply I cared about her cause of eradicating FGM. This person agreed and said “that’s a cause I could get behind too.” This person in no way cared about such things and never, beyond that statement, seemed concerned about the safety of women—including me—whatsoever. On the contrary, I was disrespected and controlled, manipulated and lied to for many years after that initial grooming phase. But I do recall being so moved by his empathic statement in accord with my beliefs. I didn’t think to require a demonstration of that statement with actions because I was too busy wanting to be wanted. I had experienced a deeply painful loss in the two years prior to meeting this person and I wanted badly to be rescued from that pain. I thought this person was going to be an empathic partner. I was wrong. .
.
I’ve read Aayan Hirsi Ali’s books and I’ve donated to her foundation over the years (The AHA Foundation). My life reflects my beliefs. That is action. If actions do not proceed (or precede) words when you are dating and getting to know someone, that person should be kept at a firm distance if not eliminated as a potential partner altogether. Stay woke ✨
.
.
#tellyourstory #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #emotionalabuse #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #adultchildrenofnarcissists #toxicrelationships #psychopathy #fatherwound #redflags #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuseawareness #gaslighting #datingadvice #toxicity #npd #familydynamics #wounds #fgm #vulnerability #predation #psychologicalabuse #games #lies #truth #spiritleadme
  • You are not Delicious Prey. .
    .
    Aayan Hirsi Ali is one of my heroes. I don’t say that lightly because I do not idolize people. However, she is one of the bravest human beings in modern history and her efforts toward the betterment of humanity have been heroic, so I make no apologies about stating this as a fact. She is an atheist, author and an advocate for religious reform. She was also a victim of female genital mutilation in childhood and speaks unflinchingly about it.
    .
    When I was dating someone who turned out to be a highly problematic person, I expressed how much I admired Ms. Hirsi Ali and how deeply I cared about her cause of eradicating FGM. This person agreed and said “that’s a cause I could get behind too.” This person in no way cared about such things and never, beyond that statement, seemed concerned about the safety of women—including me—whatsoever. On the contrary, I was disrespected and controlled, manipulated and lied to for many years after that initial grooming phase. But I do recall being so moved by his empathic statement in accord with my beliefs. I didn’t think to require a demonstration of that statement with actions because I was too busy wanting to be wanted. I had experienced a deeply painful loss in the two years prior to meeting this person and I wanted badly to be rescued from that pain. I thought this person was going to be an empathic partner. I was wrong. .
    .
    I’ve read Aayan Hirsi Ali’s books and I’ve donated to her foundation over the years (The AHA Foundation). My life reflects my beliefs. That is action. If actions do not proceed (or precede) words when you are dating and getting to know someone, that person should be kept at a firm distance if not eliminated as a potential partner altogether. Stay woke ✨
    .
    .
    #tellyourstory #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #emotionalabuse #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #adultchildrenofnarcissists #toxicrelationships #psychopathy #fatherwound #redflags #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuseawareness #gaslighting #datingadvice #toxicity #npd #familydynamics #wounds #fgm #vulnerability #predation #psychologicalabuse #games #lies #truth #spiritleadme
  • 37 4 2 February, 2020
  • Im an empath. I’m sensitive not stupid. I feel what you feel, notice when your having an off day, and may even cry for you when you’re feeling down, (ok let’s face it I cry about a lot of things) but I also can tell when your being fake around others including myself.  I know when your lying. 
Just because I have the ability to feel deeply does not mean I will let anyone walk all over me. 
But I have in the past..
Why is this?
Because I ignored my intuition that’s why. Your intuition is who you truly are. Your soul. It helps keep you from situations you’re uncomfortable with. Knows when things and people are not right for you. 
When you’re born into a narcissistic home you are conditioned from birth to deny your truth, your thoughts, and your intuition.  Especially if you have been relentlessly gaslighted. One of my mothers favorite things to do after hurting me with a comment or remark is to say point blank in my face that she didn’t say it. When I was smaller it would make me feel insane. I would clearly hear her say something hurtful.  So me,being an outspoken child would call her out and say the comment wasn’t nice or that it hurt me. The typical response would be “I wouldn’t say something like that” or “that doesn’t sound like so thing I’d tell you” imagine the amount damage a person like this could do to someone’s mental and emotional state? 
If your an adult child of a narcissist it’s time to awaken your intuition. call it from wherever it was lying dormant. Start trusting your thoughts. And surround yourself with people that support and love you. Even if you aren’t an empath your intuition can still guide you and keep you away from people or situations that don’t feel right.  Don’t ignore it any longer.
  • Im an empath. I’m sensitive not stupid. I feel what you feel, notice when your having an off day, and may even cry for you when you’re feeling down, (ok let’s face it I cry about a lot of things) but I also can tell when your being fake around others including myself. I know when your lying.
    Just because I have the ability to feel deeply does not mean I will let anyone walk all over me.
    But I have in the past..
    Why is this?
    Because I ignored my intuition that’s why. Your intuition is who you truly are. Your soul. It helps keep you from situations you’re uncomfortable with. Knows when things and people are not right for you.
    When you’re born into a narcissistic home you are conditioned from birth to deny your truth, your thoughts, and your intuition. Especially if you have been relentlessly gaslighted. One of my mothers favorite things to do after hurting me with a comment or remark is to say point blank in my face that she didn’t say it. When I was smaller it would make me feel insane. I would clearly hear her say something hurtful. So me,being an outspoken child would call her out and say the comment wasn’t nice or that it hurt me. The typical response would be “I wouldn’t say something like that” or “that doesn’t sound like so thing I’d tell you” imagine the amount damage a person like this could do to someone’s mental and emotional state?
    If your an adult child of a narcissist it’s time to awaken your intuition. call it from wherever it was lying dormant. Start trusting your thoughts. And surround yourself with people that support and love you. Even if you aren’t an empath your intuition can still guide you and keep you away from people or situations that don’t feel right. Don’t ignore it any longer.
  • 31 1 1 February, 2020
  • Rage (and all emotions) are trying to tell us something. If we can be curious about what might be going on for us we gain an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and which parts of us need healing/reparenting, enabling us to be more emotionally available for ourselves and our children. •
•
I share more about rage, what might be driving it and something to try to get more in touch which the specifics of your story. •
•
Also, really want to emphasise being kind to ourselves, there is so much pressure in society so hold this gently.•
•
I made this after work on Thursday and was tired, when I said the sun may not come up tomorrow what I meant was it may be grey and cloudy 🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • Rage (and all emotions) are trying to tell us something. If we can be curious about what might be going on for us we gain an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and which parts of us need healing/reparenting, enabling us to be more emotionally available for ourselves and our children. •

    I share more about rage, what might be driving it and something to try to get more in touch which the specifics of your story. •

    Also, really want to emphasise being kind to ourselves, there is so much pressure in society so hold this gently.•

    I made this after work on Thursday and was tired, when I said the sun may not come up tomorrow what I meant was it may be grey and cloudy 🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • 23 12 1 February, 2020
  • Degenerates! 🤣 These destructive individuals couldn’t give a rat’s butt about the pain they knowingly inflict onto their families! Malignant narcissists (and sociopaths/psychopaths) sleep soundly with absolutely zero remorse for their wrongdoings. They couldn’t care less!
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • Degenerates! 🤣 These destructive individuals couldn’t give a rat’s butt about the pain they knowingly inflict onto their families! Malignant narcissists (and sociopaths/psychopaths) sleep soundly with absolutely zero remorse for their wrongdoings. They couldn’t care less!
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 1,569 128 1 February, 2020
  • 🟣 If you’ve experienced invalidation and subsequent retraumatization from a therapist, please know you’re not alone.
.
🟣 Whether intentional or not, this is completely unacceptable tertiary gaslighting.
.
🟣 Finding a trauma informed therapist who also understands the seriousness of narcissistic abuse is absolutely essential.
.
🟣 When seeking a therapist, be sure to interview them beforehand to ascertain their understanding of the devastating effect this hidden abuse has on the human psyche.
.
🟣 You deserve compassion, empathy, help, support, understanding, and guidance.
.
🟣 Decent therapists are out there, I promise you.
.
🟣 I wrote a detailed post on this topic a few weeks ago entitled ‘Therapy Dealbreakers,’ and just added it to my story in case you missed it.
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
💜💜💜💜💜💜
  • 🟣 If you’ve experienced invalidation and subsequent retraumatization from a therapist, please know you’re not alone.
    .
    🟣 Whether intentional or not, this is completely unacceptable tertiary gaslighting.
    .
    🟣 Finding a trauma informed therapist who also understands the seriousness of narcissistic abuse is absolutely essential.
    .
    🟣 When seeking a therapist, be sure to interview them beforehand to ascertain their understanding of the devastating effect this hidden abuse has on the human psyche.
    .
    🟣 You deserve compassion, empathy, help, support, understanding, and guidance.
    .
    🟣 Decent therapists are out there, I promise you.
    .
    🟣 I wrote a detailed post on this topic a few weeks ago entitled ‘Therapy Dealbreakers,’ and just added it to my story in case you missed it.
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
    💜💜💜💜💜💜
  • 1,365 87 1 February, 2020