Birthdays are kind of funny
Some people make a huge deal of them and others just quietly let them pass by.
I’ve ALWAYS made a huge deal of them, planning, prepping, inviting, scheduling a minimum of one weeks worth of events... this is the first year I can ever remember where I honestly haven’t given a shyt or cared to celebrate (other than it being acknowledged or my annual profile picture change lol) .
I don’t know if it’s cause of age, the whirlwind around or being at a different point in my life. I really hope it’s none of the later. I really hope it’s just a product of this year, figuring myself out and dealing with everything I’ve been dealing with recently my own way. .
On the brighter side - I’ve definitely started writing again, tapping into my emotions instead of holding them in and leaving myself vulnerable .... shytty side to that is I hate it and I find myself vulnerable and guarded at the exact same time... it’s a really messed up feeling. I also thought I “matured” and now I’m feeling like I just “boxed it up” instead. It’s a messed up feeling not really knowing exactly who you are anymore or what personality traits are really yours. .
Anyways, I’m spending my day doing a few of my favourite things: makeup for a beautiful bride in Arnprior, listening to Koral sing “happy birthday to mommy” around the house as she’s been doing since yesterday with lots of hugs and kisses, unwinding in my parents hot tub (cause yeah, I’m still their kid and the parties are still dropped there haha), maybe ordering myself the birthday present I left behind at the mall yesterday and soaking up some spring weather with some bubbly In hand! .
How do you love to celebrate your birthday? .
1563122 hours ago
Я ненавидела таблетки. Не признавала их. Боялась. Набора веса, нервного срыва, безумия, всего. Мой врач объяснила мне. Меня просто никогда нормально не лечили. Даже шанса не было помочь мне хоть как-нибудь. И я задумалась - это же блин верно.
Я просто поверила. Доверилась. Знала, что пройду через трудности доказательной медицины - подбор лекарств.
Но когда сквозь все побочки наступает целительное чувство радости, покоя, тишины в душе - это невероятно. Когда тревога твоя затихает до уровня «можно жить», когда булимия даёт тебе зелёный свет (мигающий правда, но и на том спасибо), когда депрессия наконец уходит и дереализация перестаёт корежить твои минуты жизни - каждый человек с психическим расстройством меня поймёт.
Что сейчас? Конечно мне страшно думать о будущем. Но я строю планы. Я боюсь представить, как буду жить всю жизнь на лекарствах, но без них моя жизнь может закончиться внезапно и куда раньше.
Никому не стоит бояться ни психиатров, ни психотерапевтов, ни лекарственной терапии. Потому что это такие же врачи. Они даже более чуткие, чем другие. Лечите свою душу, помогайте своему мозгу.
Ну и пишите мне, если что🙃я постараюсь ответить в тот же день, а то я как последняя задница не могу НОРМАЛЬНО ответить добрым людям в директе🧡🌈
113819 May, 2019
I will Consistently do what i need to do to succeed, even though my struggle is real.
Anxiety is s [email protected]@@h it halters everything I do and has done for most of my life. No two emotions are the same, over thinking, palpitations, feelings of worthlessness, depression, feelings of not being good enough, self sabotage, social awkwardness and the list goes on.
My brain in constant overdrive and this is me EVERY [email protected]@@@@G day. I’m a personal trainer & complimentary holistic therapist who helps others, yet is crippled with the effects anxiety has on my whole being.
People say I come across as a confident have an amazing job of being able to help others, which I love.
however no one can see what is going on inside my head.
So I’m now going to try and kick anxiety and depression in the arse by implementing the following and try and be consistent as consistency is KEY.
1. I will not allow my past to interfere with my future happiness. I will Learn from my mistakes and that of others,
2. Start taking control of my past and future.
3. Ignore the shit you can have no control over and move on.
4. Celebrate the success of others and learn from them.
5. The biggest one of all STOP criticising myself.
6. Stay consistent in achieving my long-term goals.
Först och främst vill jag klargöra ett par saker: 1) bara för att jag skriver om min psykiska hälsa så betyder det inte att någon ska oroa sig. 2) jag har en stor portion självinsikt och jag har support. 3)jag mår förövrigt bra :). Ok då var det avklarat. Så kan vi gå till huvudämnet:
ocd, ptsd, dissasociationer:
Jag har haft flashbacks på olika händelser i mitt liv som gör att det nästan förstör för mig i nuet. Jag kan aldrig riktigt slappna av när jag är med människor, speciellt inte med människor jag tycker väldigt mycket om. För att ”säkra” personerna från mina flashbacks, eftersom det känns som att det förstör hela min dag/vad jag där och då/ det har förstört fina stunder, det(medvetet och omedvetet attacker det kärnan till det fina, så har jag gjort en del ritualer i mitt huvud. Men ibland går inte ritualerna som jag vill. Och då blir jag knäckt. Nu längtar jag bara till terapin så jag kan jobba med allt som hållit mig tillbaka: ritualer/vanföreställningar/ ocd/dissasociationer - att försöka kontrollera allt i mitt huvud. Att notera allt, jag kan inte ens ha ett normalt fungerande liv som det ser ut nu. Jag vet inte hur många dagar som bara har gått åt att ”säkra” saker/personer/händelser, för att slippa få upp bilder i mitt huvud. Men jag heller inte hur många gånger ritualerna har blivit iordning eller ”fel”. Ritualerna är alltså mina obsessions, men ibland har jag även tvångshandlingar.
Så än idag, har jag inte kommit ur geggan. Det har snart gått 6-7 år.
Jag kan inte nog med understryka hur ivrig jag är att sätta igång med att jobba på mig själv i terapi! Det kommer nog vara jobbigt som fan, men längtar ändå.
So I finally got a #cbdoil#vapepen to see if it helps me with my extreme moods swings. See I have #bpd and since I don’t have #healthinsurance because I cannot afford it and do not qualify for any kind of health insurance assistance I do not take medication for it or am able to see a therapist etc. I am hoping cbd really helps. So far the tincture helps with my sleep but I need a higher mg to calm my ass down and the #vape will help when I am out and about and can’t carry a bottle around!! It will definitely make a difference with my anxiety!!! #Cbd is #groundbreaking !!
Today was a poor mental health day. I think all of the negativity in the news mixed with the positioning of the moon (I’m a firm believer in the moon being related to hormonal imbalance), along with the unpredictability that comes with having a mental illness caused me to break today. If sucks so much when you take it out on the ones you love. I feel more rotten than I normally do already because of it. I already have barely any friends. I can’t even make friends on here that’s how hard it is for me, but to almost lose the one friend I do have was emotionally draining. I self medicated the best way I knew how (walking, music, food & shopping) and it helped temporarily, but I’m still sad. I can only hope for a better tomorrow. I am grateful though for being outside and seeing the pretty pink full moon, for having my own space again, for being able to watch Gilmore Girls to escape, for books to read anytime I want, for having 2 jobs that are both super low stress and sometimes even therapeutic because working with kids can actually be fun when they say funny things, for having people in my life I can turn to and open up to, for animals, for sunsets, for Saturday and Sunday mornings to laze around and eat late breakfasts, for having so many things to be grateful for that I can’t even name them all. I wanted to turn this negative sounding post into a positive one. It is my best coping mechanism I have in life. Having hope and being optimistic in an otherwise pessimistic world is the best thing to have in this world. If you’re reading this I hope you have a wonderful week and you find a way to work toward your dreams, and if you suffer like I do, and cannot, that you find a way to be happy each day. No matter how small there is always something to smile about. A flower, a bird, squirrel, rain drops, clouds, sun rays, or exchanging a smile with a stranger. I watched the office earlier today and even though i have seen every episode at least ten thousand times, I could not stop laughing at it today and my laugh caused my bf to laugh and he has watched it more times than I have and he rarely ever laughs at it anymore but hearing me laugh made him laugh. I love how laugh
828 hours ago
618 hours ago
Today this statement comforted me and gave me permission to be where I’m at. Managing my mental health feels like a full time job and has done for a very very long time, and quite frankly sometimes I feel very over it. But it is the way it is and I’m learning to continually accept that it’s just the ways it’s been and is for me right now but that doesn’t mean it will be like this forever. It’s just where I’m at in my healing journey and that’s okay❤️ I am still okay. I am still lovable. I am still worthy. I am still exactly where I’m meant to be and still exactly who I’m meant to be in this moment. I’m not running behind schedule and I’m not falling short. I am okay just the way I am, living just the way I am. It’s okay if all I can handle is just focusing on keeping bree safe and well, and if all I can manage is focusing on one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. That’s okay if that’s where I’m at. I am learning I have to go at my own pace which means I have to listen to where my body and nervous system are at and I gotta go at their pace. I’m continually relearning that I can’t force myself to be further along my healing than I am. I can’t push myself to do things I’m not ready for. I have to go at my own pace, and allow myself to be exactly where I’m at- with no judgement, no criticism, no shame. It’s okay to be exactly where we’re at. That’s where I’ve landed anyway today and I feel much better for it , so I thought I’d share ❤️
2238 hours ago
Estoy AGOTADA. Esta foto es exactamente después de llorar por la desesperación de NO tener el control de la situación. Yo tengo un tema que es que somatizo y MATERIALIZO todas mis preocupaciones y problemas y me puede doler hasta la uña del dedo chiquito del pie como por arte de magia.
Esta semana ha sido bastante cargada para mí. Me han pasado cosas MARAVILLOSAS y cada vez tengo más apoyo y medios para seguir difundiendo nuestro mensaje de curación y amor. De hecho, les tengo noticias INCREÍBLES que les voy a ir contando en estos días, pero eso también me demanda más cosas que hacer y, honestamente, ahorita estoy/me siento SATURADA. Nunca EN MI VIDA he estado trabajando TANTO, ni haciendo TANTAS COSAS a la vez.. Así que creo que es parte del proceso la "adaptación al cambio". Tiene que doler de alguna manera, y a mí me está doliendo JODIDAMENTE. Tengo una contractura cervical nivel DIOS ahorita, tan fuerte que ya no siento dolor sino QUEMAZÓN en toda mi espalda y cuello por todo el estrés que estoy cargando y todos los pendientes que tengo por hacer y que no he podido completar este fin de semana . Me he tomado varias pastillas para el dolor y ya no me quedan más soluciones posibles para hoy, domingo, 11:10pm. Mañana voy a ir al fisioterapeuta para tratarme porque mi contractura ya no es cualquier huevada, ha pasado a mayores. Pero, saben qué? SARNA CON GUSTO NO PICA. Ya lloré, me duele como mierda, estoy cansadísima(de hecho ni siquiera sé cómo estoy escribiendo esto), tengo 8 mil mensajes por responder y siento que me vuelvo LOCA, pero TODO LO VALE SI ES POR CUMPLIR MIS SUEÑOS, QUE ES SANAR A LOS DEMÁS. Todo lo que realmente vale la pena tiene que costar, tiene que doler, sino ¿cómo lo valoras?
Así termino mi semana. En 46 minutos es un nuevo día, una nueva semana, y tengo una sonrisa preparada para ella. A apechugar, carajo. Los amo, fuerza 💪
Its 10.53 on a monday morning, I've had a bath and plonked myself down on the matress in the lounge. We had a mummy / son sleep over in the lounge this past Saturday and I didn't get round to moving it back 😂
I'm finding this morning really hard, my brain feels tired like its had an overload of stress and I could quite easily go back to sleep for another few hours. I forgot to pick up my medication on friday so I've had none all weekend probley why my mood has been lower then usual. This happens sometimes although I do try my hardest to always take my meds and make sure i have restocked before the weekend so I dont get caught out.... Head over to my www.facebook.com/iamsheymarie to read the rest
So many people post about various achievements in their lives such as sporting, weight loss, fitness, pregnancy etc and they all get such high praise (which they should) but what about the praise for mental health? Why is that such a taboo subject? Why is still called "attention seekong" when people post about their struggles or achievements when it comes to mental health? The stigma around mental health is still there. There are still people who would rather struggle than seek help. There are still people who are too afraid to admit that they take medication. There are still people ending their own lives. I know I talk about mental health a lot because it's so damn important to me. In January 2017 I wanted to end my own life. I didn't think that I was important. I thought that my kids were better off without me. I hated myself. I saw myself as someone who was worthless. I thought nothing but negative thoughts. I spent ten days in a mental health unit where I ripped out my own hair, where I isolated myself from the world, where I wasn't allowed something as simple as the strap from my overnight bag in case I decided to kill myself. I slept in a bed with a light that was permanently on near my face. There were night checks to make sure that I was still alive. I wasn't allowed a razor unless supervised. I wasn't allowed my phone. The list goes on and on... and you know what? It was the BEST thing that I have ever done for myself. I was discharged from the MHU on day ten on 100mg of Pristiq and 25mg of Seroquel to help me sleep. Flash forward to now and I haven't had (or needed) Seroquel in over a year. My dosage of Pristiq went down to 50mg and I recently got given the green light to halve that dosage to 25mg (hence the pill splitter). If I didn't talk about mental health, I honestly don't think I would be here today. I'm not saying it's all sunshine and rainbows because it's not. I even had a bad moment in January after finding out some really troubling things in my personal life that I struggled to cope with but I got better. I got better by talking, by opening up and not keeping things bottled up inside. (continued in comments) ⬇️
#bpd bpd and chill on Facebook, follow for more #relatable#content it’s some funny shit. It’s legit not mine but I stole this graphic because #same 🤠
109 hours ago
Mari kami ajarkan kalian cara berdemokrasi yg jujur dan adil,suasana yang penuh kegembiraan Tanpa tekanan dan intimidasi tapi tetap rahasia se waktu memilih wakilnya. Panitia yang berintigritas tak perlu di awasi karena mereka yakin kerja ikhlas yg di awasi Allah SWT, tanpa mesin penghitung dan terhindar dari kesalahan entri. Tak usah berspekulasi dengan hasil quick count, Pemerintah Desa yg selalu memfasilitasi masyarakatnya untuk menyalurkan aspirasinya. Selamat bagi yang terpilih menjadi anggota BPD desa Sei Rampah . #pemilihanbpdseirampah#bpd#wakilyangamanah#panitiayangberintigritas#pemerintahdesayangadil
When will the constant feeling of never being good enough go away? Or the constant anxiety? I hate having borderline because I’m so afraid of being left or abandoned that i become so needy and clingy to anyone and everyone around me and that normally results in people leaving me. I feel like I’m running out of time and I’m scared. #bpd#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#anxiety#mentalillness#help#dontleave
sad- feeling or showing sorrow; unhappy.
This shirt has a lot to do with the depression stage in life. Everyone has a bad day but it is how you get through it that decides the outcome. available in the shop now, LINK IN BIO 🖤
Last night I dreamed that I was at some professional networking event and obviously met a lot of people. But that to my surprise I met a man who was genuinely interested in me and that I was equally interested in as well. That never happens! We spent time together when we could but then he had to leave early and we were both distraught. Then I woke up... This is probably the first dream I've ever had meeting someone with that sense of being happy together. I think it's the first time in my life that I've desperately wanted it but also think I could handle it. Kind of a nice feeling, then a sad realization that reality is I'm alone and have never really had love interests. But at least it's a little hope I have back #dreams#love#lonely#bpd#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#mentalhealth
Depression is real. Anyone who says otherwise is misinformed or undereducated. The Pakistani community (as well as most other desis) doesn’t take well to the idea of mental health problems. They place a huge stigma on it and make up excuses to replace the actual problem. But how long will we let this continue? There are enough of us now to clear the misconceptions and educate our communities. To make them realize that just like diabetes, depression and bipolar are real diseases. That OCD is not just a “bad habit” that can be rid by ridiculing and hitting your child (or adult!). That the reason someone they knew commit suicide a few years ago was because she had schizophrenia, not because she was possessed.
How many more lives must be lost before our communities decide to accept mental illness as a disease that requires medical attention? Please educate yourself, you families, and your communities.
45318 May, 2019
During life everyone deals with heartbreaks weather it is a relationship, the lost of a loved one, there are a million reasons to be heartbroken, but it is how you stay optimistic during those times that will bring a positive outcome to the situation.. -