This level of openness is remarkable & a #goal #Repost@bpd_warriors ・・・
This is a text message split into 9 parts which I've sent to my boyfriend today. I'm sharing this because I thought maybe some of you may understand. Maybe it will bring some awareness to the way some of us feel or why some of us do some of the things we do. I know this won't apply to everyone and many may not relate but this is me being raw with you all. This is me opening up about some of the things I experience or feel. This is my personal experience with borderline personality disorder.
I know many of you haven't seen my face or know my name but maybe this will help to make our small community a little closer. You all share how you're feeling and open up but I don't do the same.
This is one of the hardest parts on my mental health journey. Knowing I’m loved , wanting to do big things & feel happy. But if I become to happy I become a emotion mood scale of 9 and start to laugh and cry. I then can dip low and feel unworthy. It can be days or hours or minutes of one or many emotions. It’s a roller coaster that never ends. Some times I come up short and feel sad even if I had a good day sometimes I have no control on the mood changes I can only choose how to react.
The amount of fog I feel right now is insane! I have zero motivation, can barely keep my eyes open. At the same time I have the most insane anger!!! Shouting at everything that goes wrong no matter how small. Fighting with inanimate objects is no fun.
My son has a play date so I am forced to socialise 😡🤬 Even writing this is making me fucking fuming because auto correct thinks it knows it all!
Too all you beautiful mofos out there that get up every single day and breathe through it!
You open your eyes, you blink take a breath and let your body do its thing. That is bloody brave.
Truly truly fing brave 🌼
I am inspired daily by the stories I read on insta and it takes my breath away just how strong you all are. I always thought I was a lone. Different. Odd. Dare I say it “the mad one.” You’ve all shown me different and I am forever thankful to you all.
There’s 4 years between these pictures. 4 inpatient admissions,
2 diagnosis, countless medication trials, best days of my life and the worst.
I’ve struggled since I was a teenager but it wasn’t until I had my son my true devils came knocking.
I have chosen recovery more times than I can count. But I keep going. Some days I’ll do anything to stay in bed and some I will do a 2 hour gym sesh. That’s ok.