You may or may not have noticed that I have not been writing much about my journey with anxiety recently, or much about any mental health matters at all recently. When I started writing I felt like not only was it making a difference to me, but also to others. I got countless messages to thank me for my ‘bravery’ in speaking out about something which at the time a couple of years ago, was a very taboo subject, specially in the religious Jewish community. Now, while I think it’s great that so many more people are speaking about it and the door for conversation finally seems to be open, I feel as though it’s become somewhat of a fashion statement. I’m sick of scrolling through my Instagram and seeing a victim culture, based on something that is so real to me. The last thing I am is a victim. I want open conversation, awareness, and showing that people with anxiety are normal, hilarious and intelligent. Not victims. It’s almost as thought it’s become ‘cool’ to suffer from a mental health condition. I know this sounds harsh, but having a bad day does not mean you have anxiety. Breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and not being able to eat for a few days does not mean you have anxiety. Being nervous before an exam does not mean you have anxiety. Yes, it means your anxious, but these are all part of normal life. Anxiety is your everyday life being affected by heart palpitations, aching jaws and panic attacks. Anxiety is feeling like you’re swimming against a very strong current that you can’t stop fighting for fear of drowning. But the fight is tough. Anxiety is not wanting to get into your bed because the night before that’s where you had a panic attack. In the one place that’s never supposed to betray you. In your safe space. I know it seems hypocritical. This is what I wanted. This is what I advocated for. For the door of conversation to be open wide. But it’s become something very different and to be honest, not something I want to be a part of. I will continue to write here and there, but until the ‘cool victim’ fashion statement stops, and mental health awareness becomes what I believe it’s meant to me, it’s just not something I want to be a part of.
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