I’m landing back from a transformational ISTA retreat where I was assisting; dancing the divine steps of both holding space and being in process. Like slipping so slowly into the medicine it takes a moment to notice you’re there; the medicine of s*xuality.
Today I feel open, tender and raw as I let myself feel the fullness of all I have experienced this week. Going into this work is like digging up your own bull sh*t and bringing up to the surface, to the light to be seen, healed and released.
There were walls built around my heart that I wasn’t aware of. Emotional scar tissue. Armour. That has been shattered and crumbled down. And behind and underneath I’ve unearthed years of suppressed sadness and grief. I have mostly been weeping the last few days. Allowing the waves to wash over me. Resisting the urge to numb it out with movies, wine, busyness, lovers... just feeling it all, letting it come up and out.
It might sound strange to some people that I would go on a retreat and do personal growth work that brings out the emotion of grief. And I understand. We humans love to avoid the uncomfortable stuff. We want the good stuff, the highs, the buzz, and so we chase and we strive and when we don’t have it we suffer.
I’m not suffering. In fact, I couldn’t feel more ALIVE! Because this week I’ve also felt ecstasy! I’ve experienced god through my body and witnessed the divine in the beings around me. I’ve been orgasmic off the energy of others and felt every cell of my body wake up to new states of bliss.
If you want to feel this high, if you want to reach the highest states of human energy, emotion and experience then you have to be willing to FEEL IT ALL!
It is through dropping the masks, the armour and the walls that we get to access all of this emotion, and as we move through the layers we get closer and closer to clear and powerful s*xual life force energy.
This is life, this is love, this is freedom, this is ecstasy, this is bliss, this is truth, this is IT! 🖤