It's so easy to let ourselves get distracted, isn't it, lovely one?
Life happens. Stuff gets in the way. In the end, we forget. Or we convince ourselves it doesn't matter. That we'd never have done it anyway. It was always going to be too hard to sustain.
And so we give up on ourselves. We forget the power of making the choice. We even forget that we have choice. Ever had a choice. We start to resort to habit.
But see, brave soul, to do that is to abandon yourself. To say that random is all it was ever going to be. That you could never have made it any different.
Do you know that for sure? Do you?
What if you could have turned it around? What if it never actually had to go the way it did? Do you feel that dawning realisation? The sickening sensation of regret? Of 'if only'? There are few things worse than regret, tender soul. Apart from maybe shame. The shame of not having tried.
We can't change the past. But we can learn from it. That we certainly can do.
Make it different this time. Do something today that your future self will thank you for.
My job finally broke me yesterday. It's been a long time coming. Today I've been signed off for a month. I cannot put into words my overwhelming feelings. The only way is up because broken crayons still colour. I just need some glue. #itsokaynottobeokay#mentalhealthhelp#mefirst#reflect
That’s one of my goals in my journey. Understanding that life is not all ‘go go go’ and sometimes I need to listen to my body and rest.
Today I went for my third acupuncture appointment. I won’t bore you with the reasons behind why I have it done as I’d be here all day. But ultimately it flushes my body with toxins afterwards and I spend all day feeling awful.
The last couple of weeks I’ve powered through and gone to work following these appointments. Having spoken to the lovely lady that did them we agreed that it’s likely I’ll suffer like this every time and it’s best I go home and rest for the day.
So here I am, laying in my bed with my pup to keep me company allowing my body the rest it needs. I’ve managed 5,000 steps today walking to and from my appointment and that’ll do for the day.
Sometimes you just need to listen to your body and let yourself off if you don’t do everything you set out to for the day. That’s been a massive learning curve for me and I love that I really feel myself starting to change my outlook on things.
Looking for a way out
But all I can find are death end roads
Lost in the believing
That greener grass is on the other side
Dry like a desert
No grass to be found
But there is a path in between
Paved with fata morganas
Tricking me into illusions .
Many people think when you loose weight you gain confidence... that's not always the case !!! Yes I feel better in myself most days , and it took me a long time to get my mindset to where it is ! but unfortunately it's not always easy ❌ Im only human I still get bad days, usually i can control those thoughts but being honest sometimes different things can effect how I see myself and my head takes over !!
Last week I was having a really bad week , not much sleep, giving myself a hard time, overthinking a few things ... and my anxiety was winning so things that usually help just didn't do it for me ..
So this effect my mood in lots of areas ! And I let it get on top of me way to much 😥 when this happens, who do I pick on the most ! ME that's who..
So this photo is my bed last Sunday 🙈 trying to find something to wear for the nice weather 😬 but im gona be honest ! As my head was muddled I let the bad thoughts take over way to much 🤯
It went like this 👇
🧘🏼♂️ Anger is a punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s mistakes 🧘🏼♂️
I heard this a couple weeks ago from @garethjgrimes and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since 👊🏼
This is the photo I was going to post yesterday before I had that unfortunate encounter. I was actually in the middle of posting this when I changed my mind as I was so upset and didn’t want to be fake and post a photo of me smiling when I felt far from that! 🥴🤯😢
⏩⏭ Fast forward 24 hours and I’m in a much better place. Still not 💯 but I’m choosing to be happy. I’m choosing to focus on the good things I have coming up in the next 2 weeks and let that bring me happiness and joy
This weekend: @battleformiddleground Trinity War, Same Sex Threes 🖤💜🧡💪🏼🏋🏼♀️ with the incredible @willjex99@kacperjaworskiofficial •
Next weekend: CrossFit Games 2019! 🎉🛫🇺🇸
Thank you to everyone who has sent me lovely messages this week, they really do mean a lot to me 💜💞 If you wouldn’t ask someone for their advice, why would you listen to their criticism? If someone feels it necessary to spout off negativity and poisonous words, what does it say about their character? ☠️👎🏼
Rise above it. Stay HeadStrong. Carry on. Do you. Be unashamedly you. In a world full of fake Instagram ‘influencers’, be one tough, glittery, shiny unicorn motherfucker! 👊🏼💫🌟🦄🤘🏼
I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2014. It was a huge relief to find out what was going on, but I also knew I had a journey ahead of me.
I was so scared I didn't leave anyone's side, I was always with someone. I was with cahms for three months before signed off.
The next year 2015 my anxiety returned but this time round I started feeling low. They tested me for depression but those scores came back low. I only had six weeks with cahms this time. And over the next couple of years I felt anxious and low.
My doctor wasn't keen on putting me on medication until I was 18.
He sent me to my third round of CBT with an adult service this time.
I spent a bit of time with them until I realised it was counselling that I needed. So I signed off with them and eventually put myself on the waiting list to intercom trust. I was on the waiting list for about 6 months before I got in. But once I got in I knew this was the place I had to be. They did so much for me and I cannot thank them enough. They are now an extended part of my family.
I started with them in November. In December I finally agreed to try medication in a discussion with my doctor.
After being on the medication for a month and having counselling things finally started looking up. I was a lot happier in myself and I was able to go back to work :). I was so happy as I had wanted to go to work but my anxiety had been stopping me.
I started work experience and gained a small job which I still have. But now I want to work with the team that helped me and make other people's life's better.
My anxiety didn't beat me and I am not my anxiety. I am not the same person I was last year, I've come so far in so little time and I'm so proud of myself!
A massive thank you to @intercomtrust for everything they did for me, and I look forward to working with you all in the future!
Remember you are not your mental illness! You are not weak! Fighting mental illness is hard but we can pull through this together! You are strong! You are not weak for taking medication! #mentalhealth#anxiety#warrior#medication#intercomtrust#counselling#cbt#itsokaynottobeokay#fighter#strong#weareinthistogether#fighting
0055 minutes ago
Public Speaking Used To Give Me The Absolute FEAR!
Rewind 5 Years Ago And I Had No Confidence, No Belief, No Worth.
This Industry Completely Changed That For Me.
Since March I’ve Felt All Those Insecurities Creep Back In Not Gonna Lie.
These Last 2 Weeks I’ve Focussed Only On Me! I’m Working Hard On Myself Everyday. In No Way Is That Selfish. It’s What Was Needed To Get Me Back On Track.
I’ve Got Some Phenomenal People Around Me Who Lift My Spirits Everyday But I Also Allowed Some Selfish, Arrogant, Egotistic People In Too Who Only Brought Me Down Everyday.
Any Day Can Be A New Day And I’m Choosing Today.
Whatever Your FEARS, WORRIES, INSECURITIES Are Right Now, Crumple Them Up And Throw Them In The “FUCK IT” Bin!!! I GOT THIS! AND SO HAVE YOU!!!! 😘
“I don’t know what to post” I say to myself, scrolling aimlessly through 100s of photos and feeling apathetic towards the lot.
I admitted to @dilan_andme yesterday that I’ve struggled with my body image again lately and she’s right, it’s a journey with hills, we all have ups and downs and that’s 100% allowed. It’s not a linear process to relearn how to love yourself.
The thing is, it’s not just worries over body image getting to me, but that’s the easiest thing to explain.
It’s also dealing with being put on anxiety meds after a lifetime of ignoring my own mental health and mourning a man who’s still alive but on borrowed time. Then there’s all the day to day stuff @not_just_a_tit is juggling too. It was nice to see I’m not alone but also heartbreaking to see others are in the same boat.
So when it comes to focusing my brain and sharing things and fitting in to the “inspiration” mould I seem to have fallen in to I forget how to write, how to take a decent photos or how to appreciate anything Increate... (thank you btw, but it still gives me the fear when people say such nice things).
So today I’m posting this picture. I’m sharing it because it shows my favourite quality about myself, and today I’m choosing to focus on the things I like in an effort to get myself back on top form.
PS - the peahen is being fed something healthy, not bread.
To the person who is struggling all alone and no one believes! To the person who no one supports! To the one who is adjusting their pill dosage and is going trough hell! To the person who can’t afford any treatment! To the person who feels hopeless and can’t take anymore! To all of you out there who suffer in silence!
You are not alone!! The Stigma may be strong. People may not understand us! And we may be tired as fuck. But we are not alone!
Sending you love!
5181 hour ago
Some words of encouragement for anyone who may need them today.......❤ Carly
"I was sobbing, unable to breathe, drowning in thoughts, couldn't think with ease."
It all started with me getting a freelance project. My client had asked me to get two photographers for a shoot so I asked a good friend of mine who said yes. I had received my advance payment of 50% out of which I had to pay my partner.
I offered to pay him his 50% but he asked me for 100% payment. He was a good friend. I paid.
After the afternoon shoot we went to take a break and when I called this guy to come back, he refused to join. He wasn't paying me back, he wasn't even picking up my calls a while later.
I broke down.
I was sobbing, couldn't breathe, drowning in thoughts, couldn't think with ease.
I couldn't understand why was this happening to me. A reaction so harsh? Why?
It was no time to ask questions though. I gave myself some time, got up & found a new photographer.
But I just couldn't get this thought out of my mind. It was driving me crazy. Later in the night when I searched up the symptoms I realized what this weird breakdown was, a panic attack.
This was my first, and I have gone through similar attacks later.
I realized something really wrong was going on inside my head.
I gathered my strength and went to a psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
I started taking therapy though. Even medication. I feel better. And now I encourage everyone to go to a therapist. It's not wrong to go through such stuff, it's human.
Seek help when you need, stop keeping it within yourself, talk.
If I could, you can too!
18.07.2019 Sometimes the grief and memories hit when I least expect it, and in that moment I’m floored by how unexpectedly they come.
Today it was during lunch. I was just having my chicken noodle soup, thinking about what a fairly okay day I’d been having, when BAM! it hit me how ordinarily the day had begun too the day I lost my first baby.
That memory of how I’d been feeling happy and how maybe I could do some simple household chores like putting the dirty laundry into the washing machine instead of being afraid to move around too much.
And then the onset of the pain where little bean was, and my mental dismissal that there was nothing to it except that our baby was just snuggling deeper into the lining, until it started to get worse and I knew something was not right.
Then began the nightmare of going to the hospital and the trauma of how my situation was handled...
I had wanted to write this email to the hospital I go to for the longest time, so that no mother going through a miscarriage has to feel as helpless as I did that day, but I never did because I was too afraid. Each time I thought about having to recount and live through the trauma of my first miscarriage again, I would start to tear up and my heart would hurt so bad, and would feel that I couldn’t, I just couldn’t .
Until I found some courage today, more than nine months later.
I realised that the pain and trauma of not having our situations of threatened miscarriages properly attended to is an injustice.
I believe those of us who have experienced injustice, and see that there are changes that can and should be made, we need to speak up and speak out, instead of keeping silent and letting others go through the same horror that we’ve been through.
Our Mental Health is a key part to who we are. It identifies us as individuals and keeps us on the level. It helps us decide what we do with our lives and helps us to interact with friends and family. If your mental health takes a knock ie a traumatic experience such as a death of a loved one it can cause us to become introvert and hold our feelings deep inside, as we don't want people to know our struggles and feel that we can cope. This can cause other serious issues such as self harm and worse!!1 I have experienced this first hand and still struggling now. Some people think keeping it locked up is a sign of strength, they are wrong. Strength is being able to speak out and ask for help. This is hard to do but with help from those closest to you it can be done. Mental health doesn't just affect you it affect those closest to you. Don't hold in your problems no matter how trivial you think they are. A problem shared is a problem halved... #itsokaynottobeokay#ptsd#rock2reovery#nhs#aproblemsharedisaproblemhalved#heathymindhealthybody#nutrition#exercise#speakout#innerstrength#dontsufferalone#dontbeafraidtospeakout
603 hours ago
Inspiration comes in many forms and Jon Kabat-Zinn’s teachings and meditations have been at the heart of my mindfulness practice and journey to becoming a therapist. When thinking about the logo for my company this famous quote came to mind. “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn
I use it to remind clients that our task in therapy is to learn to surf the waves of our emotions, so we can stay afloat and enjoy life. If we are able to manage our thoughts and feel our feelings in the present moment, we can navigate anything that life throws at us and move forward skilfully from a place of grounded intention. #mindfulness#therapy#mbct#mbsr#meditation#itsokaynottobeokay
It's bad enough struggling with the thoughts in your own head, but what do you do when your best friend is also going through shit?! I've always been 'the strong one' and an 'agony aunt' for all my friends and, dont get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world! I love that my friend trusts me with what shes going through and I'll do whatever I can to make it better for her. I normally love the distraction of someone else's issues but, right now, I'm struggling to offer any sort of constructive support! I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be so self centred but it's so hard to focus on my friend when I've got so much negativity in me at the moment! #mentalhealth#awareness#depression#anxiety#itsokaynottobeokay#oneinfour#friends#bestfriend#thestruggleisreal
204 hours ago
This morning this was shared via a friend on Facebook and I have to say I absolutely love the idea so asked if it was ok to share it 💕
. #itsoktonotbeok comment below with the corresponding heart emoji, no judgement, no probing just total freedom of expressing how you’re feeling.
If however you would like to reach out and chat then please feel free to inbox me or please please reach out to a friend.
I’m going to kickstart this with a 💛 #mentalhealthawareness#itsokaynottobeokay#reachingout#anxietyrelief#depressionhelp
214 hours ago
You may not like where you are at right now. But life isn’t always straightforward. 🌗🌙 There are going to be ups and downs, good times, bad times, rough times, happy times, times where you may question it all... With 6 planets in retrograde, things are messy for a lot of people this month. 🙈
Just have faith and remember, you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain ☔️🌈 sometimes shit has to be brought to the surface in order for you to get rid of it. 👋🏻 And whatever is passing you by, is going to teach you a valuable lesson for the next phase in your life. ✔️💙 Embrace it in all its glory... 🙏🏻
Repost @tinybuddhaofficial You deserve happiness . You deserve to be valued , you deserve respect ! Don’t settle for anything less !
And your not asking too much !
When we try to please everyone, we end up pleasing no one, especially ourselves. .
Strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better.
But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life? Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them.
Life is too short to associate with people like this.
Move on , it’s ok !
I remember thinking how scary it must have been to be a slave or gladiator waiting underground in the Colosseum for their battle. I imagine many of these poor people would have panicked.
The APS advises that panic attacks are the main symptom of panic disorder. A panic attack is a sudden surge of intense fear or discomfort which reaches a peak within several minutes and is accompanied by at least four of the following:
Heart palpitations, or racing/pounding heart
Shaking or trembling
Shortness Of breath or a feeling of choking
Chest pain or discomfortnausea or abdominal upset
or heat sensations/sweatsdizziness, light-headedness, or feeling faint or unsteady
Numbness or tingling sensations
Derealisation (feelings of unreality) or depersonalisation (feelings of being detached from oneself)
Fear of losing control or of ‘going crazy’
Fear of dying.
2 types of panic attack have been identified: expected and unexpected. Expected panic attacks occur following a particular cue or trigger, for example, for some people being in a large crowd or in a lift might frequently trigger a panic attack. Unexpected panic attacks do not have an identifiable cue or trigger and can occur at any time, even if the person is in a calm state or asleep.
For a diagnosis of panic disorder, a person must experience at least one unexpected panic attack followed by 1 month or more of: ongoing concern or worry regarding the experience of further panic attacks or their consequences; and/orchanges in behaviour in order to prevent further attacks from happening, for example, the person may avoid situations where they fear a panic attack could occur, such as public transport.