From November- I love these pics of me smiling because it was a moment of joy. I had finished my classes for the day and was sitting with my boyfriend trying out my new phone’s camera. Simple, normal, average moment, but joyful. As many of you know I struggle with depression, and it has dragged me down a lot. It’s been difficult for me trying to come back and build my platform after having a terrible time with my mental health. Social media makes it difficult to love your life and not compare yourself, and i still have a lot of trouble with that. But I try to grab happiness wherever I can in any passing moment. For example, this past weekend I probably spent about 20 collective hours filming looks that I ended up not liking at all. When I don’t feel productive it’s a constant crushing anxiety and I feel like punishing myself. But after a night of frustration, around 5am on Sunday I decided to stop trying to work and go upstairs to chill in bed. It’s just starting to warm up around here, and it’s been raining a lot. The windows were open and the smell of the early morning spring rain made me feel so good. Even though I had been feeling hopeless and like a failure, I decided to focus on that bit of happiness ❤️ I’m inclined to hide in a basement forcing myself to keep working until I run myself into the ground with nothing to show for it... and then sleep for 18 hours a day. Instead, I’m making an effort to put myself in more situations where I can experience these smiley moments and little bits of life❤️ #mentalillness#mentalhealthawareness#happiness
Easter and bank holiday monday were an odd occasion this year.
Depression came back almost full burst and tainted the holiday. Still managed to go out and show my mother the Roman Road, nicknamed Spooky Lane, in Berkhamsted.
But my own mental health has, admittedly, taken a dive. I find myself physically shaking with anxiety. Unable to sleep without several sleeping pills.
Does anyone else here find it difficult to allow yourself to cry? To wallow? Express how much you are hurting?
I know it's not bad to cry, but I'm SICK of people saying "it is going to be okay" because in that desperate moment, i don't want a plaster stuck over me, I don't want to be lied to (no one can promise everything is going to be ok, we don't have crystal balls)
I just want to cry and cry, scream and let the pain out.
But that's difficult to do. My head only says "carry on, there's no point to this. You need to be strong, you need to be more, you can't let them hurt you. You can't let them win"
Pathology Vs Non Pathology
The way we come to understand and talk about mental health shapes the way we treat ourselves, how others treat us, and what kind of support we receive.
The biomedical model has been the dominant framework for the last 40 years but it stands on shakey unscientific ground. It’s now fairly common knowledge that the biomedical model has done significant harm to individuals and has very little positive results to show for it. Not to mention - there’s no study that has proven the chemical imbalance theory (the idea that mental illness is a biochemical dysfunction) and there’s a lot of controversy over the DSM (the Bible of mental diagnoses) as it scientifically invalid and unreliable (meaning there’s no evidence it’s detecting a real pathology and you could see 3 different doctors and get 3 different diagnoses).
The reason this model is still around is because there’s a lot of money invested in getting you to believe you have a disease for which they have the cure.
Here’s the thing- emotional pain and suffering is very real and very valid. Our emotional pain is something we have to take seriously and some of us are in need of more intensive care during crises and transition. But in order to get to a place where our pain can be healed, not just our symptoms managed, our entire framework has to shift.
Where in the pathology framework the goal is to “increase functioning”, in a non-pathology model, the goal is to meet people’s underlying needs.
This comes from the understanding that people don’t just fall mentally ill out of nowhere, our pain has reason, and roots in the deeper context of our lives. The context of trauma, social structures based on white supremacy and patriarchy that marginalize and isolate some while uplifting others, ancestral pain, the food we eat and the way we treat our bodies, our beliefs and fears and routines, what’s expected of us and what we expect from ourselves.
From this place, in a non-pathology model, we focus not only onmeeting people’s diverse needs but on shifting our communities and entire society.
Do you ever find yourself dwelling on something negative and out of your control ? If you’re human, you’ve most likely experienced this for yourself 🤦🏽♀️. This is called rumination. The words you feed yourself and allow to take over your mind have the power to either feed or deplete your soul. ❗️PAY ATTENTION ❗️to what words you are feeding yourself. Identify what can be controlled. Ask yourself if what you are telling yourself has the potential to help or hurt you. Allow yourself to pause, distract or share these thoughts with someone close to you. Just like anything else, changing the way you think starts with awareness💡
4113 minutes ago
You were the WORST. I regret EVER loving you. I was already damaged and vulnerable when I met you. You prayed on that. You lured me in under false pretenses. At first you made me feel warm and safe. You took away all my fears, anxieties, and stress. Took away my sadness. Motivated me to be social and entertaining. You made me feel perfect. Then you started lying. You promised me all the aforementioned but you stopped delivering. You made me sick. Cut me off from my friends and family. Took the food out of my mouth, the glow out of my eyes, and the love out of my heart. Then you beat on me. For 8 long years, You beat me within an inch of my life. Then.. after so many beatings..I finally left you. A broken man. I promised myself I would NEVER go back to you , and I haven't. ...You've certainly been busy, though. #fuckyouheroin 💜💜💜💜💜💜
You're worth it.
Being uncomfortable in your own skin.
You forget we all have folds.
We all have dimples.
We forget to accept ourselves.
We forget to love ourselves.
We live by “no one is perfect”.
That’s not true.
You’re perfect will all your bumps, lumps, bruises and dimples.
It’s natural, normal and most importantly, it’s beautiful.
Amazing company! I am a time to change champion and will be putting on some interesting projects discussing body image. Watch this space. 'At the core of our movement are passionate people who want to change the way we all think and act about mental health. That includes thousands of people who have their own experience of mental health problems. ' www.timetochange.org.uk
Running from anxiety doesn’t mean it will stop chasing you. The answer is to face it, equipped with the tools you need to defeat it! Let us provide you with the expertise and guidance to help you overcome that shadow. #AnxietySeminars2019
There is a light there. We don’t always see it. Sometimes we lose track of how to keep moving towards it. Our experts will offer you the best insights into how to cope, how to rebuild, and how to keep going. #AnxietySeminars2019