The grief that comes from missing someone is always painful, but something about the holiday season can make it feel even heavier. Grief has a way of sneaking into the happiest of moments even when you wish it would go away. •
Holidays dinners that are full of laughter get painful when suddenly your ears only hear the laugh that is missing and meeting Santa with your kids is full of joy until you realize it would be more joyful if all your kids could be in the photo. It’s hard not to want to skip the good moments when you know the grief you hate to feel is going to sneak it’s way in somehow. It’s hard not to deprive yourself of the good in fear of feeling the bad.
I once read something that said, “pain demands to be felt” and have realized that grief is the same way. We can’t avoid the grief that comes with missing someone you don’t get to see anymore or someone who never got to hold. It will come whether or not you are enjoying the happy moments too. So enjoy the happy memories, even if there are heavy feelings mixed in there. •
It’s in our nature to wish away the bad feelings and want to enjoy the good without that empty feeling. But, as painful as it is, I’m learning to embrace the grief when it comes because I now know it will have to be felt someday and postponing the pain only makes it bigger. •
One day I’ll be able to celebrate the lives of those I am missing with more happiness than grief, but for now, I honor those people through the grief I am feeling. As much as I want to wish away the pain of losing them, I would never do that if it meant forgetting the time we shared. The memories and the plans I held in my heart for them are worth the grief that came when I lost them. The people we love are worth the grief. •
Grief around the holidays cuts a little deeper and to those of you silently (or not so silently) suffering- I am with you. I hear you. I see you. The person you’re missing is quietly with you, cheering you on. •
41193 hours ago
Pool hangs with the bump and my Dolly Boy🌸
11135 minutes ago
I don’t know how, but my relationship with this guy has grown stronger since his sister entered our world. He’s more loving and helpful and hilarious than ever before. He’s also an absolute terror in some moments, but then he plants a smooch on me and I’m a puddle. #thisistwo
I get asked all the time. How do you seem to juggle life so well? To keep all the balls in the air? To work out, work, manage kids.
I do and I don’t. It’s not that simple.
I have a ‘high functioning personality’. I’m fast. I think fast, move fast, do fast. Watching me in the kitchen whizzing around making two meals in one go whilst dealing with the kids and folding washing is akin to a complex choreographed dance. I wake at night with inspiration, reply to all contact quickly, have a busy social life. My house is tidy.
There’s a flipside. There’s ALWAYS a flipside.
I’m prone to messy crashing burnout. I’m often impatient. I drop stuff and break things as I juggle. It’s hard to switch off my whirring brain. My baby sleeps better than me. I can slip into cruel self criticism and perfectionism. Some of the hardest times of my life, can be lonely, because self sufficiency is a coping mechanism. My worth is easily tied up in what I do and can do for others. I am often on the receiving end of high expectations. I seek control. Sometimes my body gets unwell because red flags can go ignored. Slowing down can be a challenge of identity. Failure can be destabilising. Being present is a challenge. Then comes the guilt for not being present. Cortisol and adrenaline are often rife - fuelling feelings of anxiety. When life slows down, I can struggle to.
There’s always a flipside.
We can so easily glorify the seemingly attractive elements of other people’s characters, without considering what the flipside to that trait is. Just as we can criticise the elements of our personalities we aren’t so keen on, without recognising how they also serve us.
For those of high functioning people out there. You are not what you do. You are more than what you give. You deserve space, time, slowness. You are not failing when you are not doing. Introduce rest, self-compassion and self-care. Yoga, journal, meditate to calm those itchy hands and twitching feet. Start to value and listen to the quiet inside voice that whispers ‘I’m tired’. Practice expressing your needs, feelings, and fears. You are more than what you do.
Tomorrow is our big cardiology visit. We have had 6 months off from the hospital visits and it has been pure bliss (minus the toddler tantrums). I get asked a lot how I deal with this stress. The truth is the fear of the "what ifs" come a knocking come quite frequently... ⠀
What if dr. L walks in and tells us it's time for another surgery. What if we find ourselves back at the see you later door. What if Ottos second surgery doesn't go as planned and we get a mechanical valve replacement.... ⠀
what if what if what if. ⠀
Typically these fears can feel like an attack. My skin gets goosebumps, I sweat a little more and my heart beats a little quicker. ⠀
So how do I deal with this? I allow myself to fear. So many good intended people will tell you to "Not go there" but honestly I find it most helpful to go there, but with a time limit. ⠀
I will be in my car and say to myself "Abby you have five minutes to run through these scenarios in your mind and then you move on" And I do. I let the smell of the hand sanitizer, the beep of the machines and the white of the room with turtle painting come back to me. ⠀
When the time is up, I tell myself THAT day is not today. And if that day comes we are going to deal with it knowing that we serve a God of love and whatever the outcome we will have the strength somehow to get us through. I will not be wasting the rest of the day fearing the future. ⠀
If you are the praying kind, please say one for ⠀
- continued health⠀
- no change or an improvement in ottos mitral valve and heart function ⠀
- for Otto to be brave and help us get a clear EKG and Echo on his heart. ⠀
Thank you friends. ⠀ #adventuresinabbyland#teamotto ⠀
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Weight loss Wednesday ❤️ I know BMI is a touchy subject and many people don’t agree with it. My ideal weight according to BMI is 7st 10-9st 10. I could never be 7st and physically it just wouldn’t look right with my body! However my target weight is the middle of the 9 stones! 😊
Christmas morning tea ready! It's breakup party day tomorrow at Playgroup and as usual the 'bring a plate' request comes around. I never know what to bring to these things, but my mum always told me that people love a good fruit platter, especially when it's all cut up! I decided to jazz things up a bit and put a Christmas spin on the usual watermelon and rockmelon and couldn't be more happy with how this turned out! I'm thinking this is going to be gobbled up by the little 0-3s!
' 🙍♀️🙍♂️GENTE TENEMOS PLAN PARA ESTE FINDE🙎♀️🙎♂️
Vuelve el Mercadillo de Navidad #labshop que tendrá lugar en el @laboralciudadcultura . '
⏳sábado y domingo de 12::00 a
👉 Encontraréis a auténticxs artistxs cuyas creaciones no os dejarán indiferententes .
👉 Como.cada año estará la actividad "construye tu #billycatsolidario " llevado a cabo por @lauvely_ .Como anécdota decir que mi pequeño justo en el labshop del año pasado tuvo que ingresar y en el #HUCA a través del colectivo @cl recibió su gatito que mima con mucho cariño. Gracias.
👉 También habrá conciertos 🎸🎷🎤🎹 . ' 💚💛Y COMO. SE QUE SOIS AMOR , NOS AYUDARÉIS A COMPARTIR, SI OS APETECE , EN VUESTRAS HISTORIAS O MUROS ESTE POST , PARA QUE NADIE SE QUEDE SIN CONOCER ESTE SUPER EVENTO 💛💚. '
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Met this innocent on the trek of Kheerganga. His family owns a small store there. He said, "Bhaiya, paani ke bottle le lo, agae nahi mile ge" and I purchased 2. As we moved forward, we realised that he was right. Sometimes, it's not about earning, it's about your nature too. How you behave with strangers, reflects your personality and what your parents tought to you. God bless.
𝘒𝘪𝘒𝘪 & 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘐𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴
𝑲𝒊𝑲𝒊'𝒔 ℙℒᗅℽℍ⌾ႮՏℰ ｢▶] 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝙉𝙄𝘾𝙐 𝙩𝙤 𝙉𝙊𝙒...𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 & 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 ... Ready... Set... Go.. ▿
Click the link in bio⤴ to Subscribe & Watch Her Journey UNFOLD...
They say Premature Babies have a high risk for long term negative effects. If one googles "prematurity" there would be a never ending description and explanation both negative and positives. I did my best not to ask Dr. Google, but of course we all have that desire and curiousity for insight.
It's commonly known every child is different; yet, we can't help but wonder what the "so called norm" for child development for each age category is. Most things that came up terrified me. I began to question myself and create unnecessary fear and anxiety, on top of the fact that i had just given birth at just 27 weeks into my pregancy.
I decided to take back my power and made the choice to live for the moment and do my best not obsesss over the "what if's" ... the past or the future .
The best thing I could do for my daughter was to find my way back to loving myself and figuring out a way to heal so that I could have the rest of me; love, nurture & guide her
I decided to focus on her brain development and fine motor skills. I enrolled her in Jr. Preschool just before her 1st birthday and went back to work to help heal my pre-term birth trauma and postpartum depression.... ▾
To Read More; Click the link in bio⤴ & Subscribe & Watch Her Journey UNFOLD
✭✭✭𝘼𝙣 𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 15 𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 1 𝙞𝙣 10 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙚𝙨. ✭✭✭ .
Share & Like, if you know anyone who has gone through something similar or is going through it now.
You too can help Spread Premature Awareness; 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘴.