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narcissisticabusesurvivor - 84.5k posts

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  • Of course you wanted the best for your child. And of course you have tried - and will continue to try - to give your child the very best. .
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 But one thing you cannot does is give your child the best second parent, when that parent is a Narcissist. .
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Their gruesome “parenting” style is not your fault. You didn’t choose it. They did. .
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If they had told you up front that they would make a cruel, neglectful parent who would compete with their own child, you would never have gone there. .
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You expected better from them and truly believed that they would deliver better. .
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Don’t blame yourself for their choices. Your job is to be the best that you can for your child. .
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The important words here are “best that you can”. That is already a huge gift to your child. .
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Try to let go of feelings of guilt about their other parent’s manifest failures. Those feelings don’t help you to be fully present to your child. .
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You are doing your best in difficult circumstances. The less guilt you feel, the freer your are to enjoy your own relationship with your child(ren). Don’t blame yourself for the narcissist’s failure to live up their obligations. You have enough to cope with already. .
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Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE your thoughts.
.
.
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#narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor 
#toxicrelationships #healingjourney #timetoheal #knowyourworth #anniekaszina #selfcareisntselfish #learntoloveyourself  #findingme #selfesteem #youdeservebetter #lettinggo #dontsettle #toxicparents #selfcompassion #forgiveyourself
  • Of course you wanted the best for your child. And of course you have tried - and will continue to try - to give your child the very best. .
    .
    But one thing you cannot does is give your child the best second parent, when that parent is a Narcissist. .
    .
    Their gruesome “parenting” style is not your fault. You didn’t choose it. They did. .
    .
    If they had told you up front that they would make a cruel, neglectful parent who would compete with their own child, you would never have gone there. .
    .
    You expected better from them and truly believed that they would deliver better. .
    .
    Don’t blame yourself for their choices. Your job is to be the best that you can for your child. .
    .
    The important words here are “best that you can”. That is already a huge gift to your child. .
    .
    Try to let go of feelings of guilt about their other parent’s manifest failures. Those feelings don’t help you to be fully present to your child. .
    .
    You are doing your best in difficult circumstances. The less guilt you feel, the freer your are to enjoy your own relationship with your child(ren). Don’t blame yourself for the narcissist’s failure to live up their obligations. You have enough to cope with already. .
    .
    Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE your thoughts.
    .
    .
    .
    #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor
    #toxicrelationships #healingjourney #timetoheal #knowyourworth #anniekaszina #selfcareisntselfish #learntoloveyourself #findingme #selfesteem #youdeservebetter #lettinggo #dontsettle #toxicparents #selfcompassion #forgiveyourself
  • 601 51 16 February, 2020
  • Narcissistic family members may mask their lack of concern for your wellbeing with a phrase like,
.
.
“I want what’s best for you.” .
.
On the surface, that might sound innocent enough. .
.
However, there are two BIG problems with that phrase. .
. 
1) The underlying assumption that they know what is best for you better then you do. 🤔🤔What makes them so much wiser about you than you are?
.
.
2) Whose best are they talking about anyway? .
.
Are they talking about what makes your heart sing? Or what suits their convenience, makes them feel more powerful or enhances their public image? .
.
I’d bet a pound to a penny that they are talking about wanting their best from you. And if it doesn’t work too well for you, that is just collateral damage, as they see it. .
.
You are best placed to know what is best for you - at least once you are feee of a Narcissist’s crazymaking. .
.
Certainly, your intuition always knows - if you can just time in and listen. .
.
Beware of people who appoint themselves the arbiters of what is best for you.Please tag someone who is struggling with this. .
.
.

Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE your thoughts.
.
.
.
#narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor 
#toxicrelationships #healingjourney #timetoheal #knowyourworth #anniekaszina #selfcareisntselfish #learntoloveyourself  #findingme #selfesteem #youdeservebetter #lettinggo #dontsettle #manipulation #crazymaking #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse
  • Narcissistic family members may mask their lack of concern for your wellbeing with a phrase like,
    .
    .
    “I want what’s best for you.” .
    .
    On the surface, that might sound innocent enough. .
    .
    However, there are two BIG problems with that phrase. .
    .
    1) The underlying assumption that they know what is best for you better then you do. 🤔🤔What makes them so much wiser about you than you are?
    .
    .
    2) Whose best are they talking about anyway? .
    .
    Are they talking about what makes your heart sing? Or what suits their convenience, makes them feel more powerful or enhances their public image? .
    .
    I’d bet a pound to a penny that they are talking about wanting their best from you. And if it doesn’t work too well for you, that is just collateral damage, as they see it. .
    .
    You are best placed to know what is best for you - at least once you are feee of a Narcissist’s crazymaking. .
    .
    Certainly, your intuition always knows - if you can just time in and listen. .
    .
    Beware of people who appoint themselves the arbiters of what is best for you.Please tag someone who is struggling with this. .
    .
    .

    Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT and SHARE your thoughts.
    .
    .
    .
    #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor
    #toxicrelationships #healingjourney #timetoheal #knowyourworth #anniekaszina #selfcareisntselfish #learntoloveyourself #findingme #selfesteem #youdeservebetter #lettinggo #dontsettle #manipulation #crazymaking #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse
  • 690 31 16 February, 2020

Latest Instagram Posts

  • Bookended a 15-hour indoor track meet (Read that again.) in Flagstaff with some quality time in Sedona.  Highlights included: Transformational bodywork, freshly-harvested spring water, delicious plant-based eats and treats, intention-focused walks, and finding power in peace. 🏜

How did you spend the holiday weekend?

#trackmom #motherandson  #weekend
  • Bookended a 15-hour indoor track meet (Read that again.) in Flagstaff with some quality time in Sedona. Highlights included: Transformational bodywork, freshly-harvested spring water, delicious plant-based eats and treats, intention-focused walks, and finding power in peace. 🏜

    How did you spend the holiday weekend?

    #trackmom #motherandson #weekend
  • 3 1 29 minutes ago
  • Would you drink liquid from a bottle labeled “poison?” I know I wouldn’t.

However, I have seen red flags and continued to pursue a relationship in spite of them (which is basically the same thing.) The warning signs were right.

I read the label. I drank the poison. I got sick. And then I wondered why... but deep down, I knew why.

This is the perfect analogy for the process of entering a toxic relationship.

In the end, abuse victims can almost always identity red flags they ignored in the beginning that could have saved them a lot of pain.

We can’t change the past, so let’s learn from our mistakes and stop ignoring warning signs going forward.

The most important part of recovery is making sure you don’t get sucked back into the abuse cycle either with the same person or a different one.
  • Would you drink liquid from a bottle labeled “poison?” I know I wouldn’t.

    However, I have seen red flags and continued to pursue a relationship in spite of them (which is basically the same thing.) The warning signs were right.

    I read the label. I drank the poison. I got sick. And then I wondered why... but deep down, I knew why.

    This is the perfect analogy for the process of entering a toxic relationship.

    In the end, abuse victims can almost always identity red flags they ignored in the beginning that could have saved them a lot of pain.

    We can’t change the past, so let’s learn from our mistakes and stop ignoring warning signs going forward.

    The most important part of recovery is making sure you don’t get sucked back into the abuse cycle either with the same person or a different one.
  • 2 1 58 minutes ago
  • This is called #reactiveabuse.

The toxic person abuses you, and you react. Perhaps you even act in an explosive matter, yelling insults or throwing something.

You’d never normally lose your cool like that but the toxic person has been pushing your buttons for a while on purpose to get you to that point.

Why would they do such a thing?

Well, because it gives them the perfect opportunity to play the victim and label you the abuser. “I can’t believe you’d call me such mean names!” or “Wow, you just threw your phone at the wall— you’re 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺!” they may say.

And then they have you questioning if you’re overreacting and if your behavior means you’re actually the toxic one. Their gaslighting gains more power when they get you to react in a shameful way.

But your reactions are simply the RESULT of the abuse, therefore it is the abuse itself that is the problem.

Narcissists do not like to take the blame so they will do everything in the power to unload it all on you if you let them.

Don’t let them.
  • This is called #reactiveabuse .

    The toxic person abuses you, and you react. Perhaps you even act in an explosive matter, yelling insults or throwing something.

    You’d never normally lose your cool like that but the toxic person has been pushing your buttons for a while on purpose to get you to that point.

    Why would they do such a thing?

    Well, because it gives them the perfect opportunity to play the victim and label you the abuser. “I can’t believe you’d call me such mean names!” or “Wow, you just threw your phone at the wall— you’re 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺!” they may say.

    And then they have you questioning if you’re overreacting and if your behavior means you’re actually the toxic one. Their gaslighting gains more power when they get you to react in a shameful way.

    But your reactions are simply the RESULT of the abuse, therefore it is the abuse itself that is the problem.

    Narcissists do not like to take the blame so they will do everything in the power to unload it all on you if you let them.

    Don’t let them.
  • 3 1 1 hour ago
  • There is so much negativity on the internet about narcissism and narcissistic people. I could only open up my heart to forgive people who broke me into pieces when I started understanding narcissistic traits. A human being does not become narcissistic by choice. It is because they endured severe emotional trauma in their childhood. When a child is repeatedly compared to other kids by their parents and never praised by their parents they stop loving themselves. Such children develop pathological jealousy because they feel unloved and unworthy. Severely low sense of self worth is the real cause for narcissism. Such kids who become adults constantly have to do things to make themselves feel good about themselves. They feel empty all the time. Some of these kids get depressed. Some become narcissistic. 
You may think narcissists have big egos. Not at all. They seem to. But internally they think so poorly of themselves. They constantly have to do stuff to be popular or be special at the expense of everything as adults. Such adults would also destroy the self esteem of their children. Comparing is deadly to a kid. Lack of praise by a caregiver is deadly to a kid. What a parent tell a child is what they would become. If a parent say that they will be losers they will be losers. If a parent say that they are kind and beautiful and clever then they would become such adults. Imagine what it would be like to a child to be always compared. That child would spend all of their life trying to prove to their parents, their partners (usually in abusive relationships) and to themselves that they are good enough. This is how narcissistic people come to be.

When we break old habits and learn new habits healing can happen. Others who found faults with us will always find faults. I was never good enough for many people. I am still not good enough to them. But what matters to me now is that I am good enough for me. Self-love and self compassion is the only way to heal and move forward.  Continued in the comments... #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissism #childhoodabusesurvivor #childhoodabuse #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder #cptsd #selflove
  • There is so much negativity on the internet about narcissism and narcissistic people. I could only open up my heart to forgive people who broke me into pieces when I started understanding narcissistic traits. A human being does not become narcissistic by choice. It is because they endured severe emotional trauma in their childhood. When a child is repeatedly compared to other kids by their parents and never praised by their parents they stop loving themselves. Such children develop pathological jealousy because they feel unloved and unworthy. Severely low sense of self worth is the real cause for narcissism. Such kids who become adults constantly have to do things to make themselves feel good about themselves. They feel empty all the time. Some of these kids get depressed. Some become narcissistic.
    You may think narcissists have big egos. Not at all. They seem to. But internally they think so poorly of themselves. They constantly have to do stuff to be popular or be special at the expense of everything as adults. Such adults would also destroy the self esteem of their children. Comparing is deadly to a kid. Lack of praise by a caregiver is deadly to a kid. What a parent tell a child is what they would become. If a parent say that they will be losers they will be losers. If a parent say that they are kind and beautiful and clever then they would become such adults. Imagine what it would be like to a child to be always compared. That child would spend all of their life trying to prove to their parents, their partners (usually in abusive relationships) and to themselves that they are good enough. This is how narcissistic people come to be.

    When we break old habits and learn new habits healing can happen. Others who found faults with us will always find faults. I was never good enough for many people. I am still not good enough to them. But what matters to me now is that I am good enough for me. Self-love and self compassion is the only way to heal and move forward. Continued in the comments... #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissism #childhoodabusesurvivor #childhoodabuse #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder #cptsd #selflove
  • 2 3 1 hour ago
  • Projection is a defence mechanism common amongst NPD and BPD diagnoses. I have experienced this first hand for some time now; I didn’t understand it for what it was until very recently, but once it was pointed out to me, it became painfully obvious. It protects the brain from shattered ego and allows the projector to remove all responsibility from themselves, avoiding the painful realities of shame and guilt that most of us are familiar with. It is a childish defence and when used by adults indicates a poorly developed emotional fortitude, central to those diagnoses. I ask you, as the people who peruse these hashtags regularity, what are the odds that you are in fact interacting with the abusers? How can you be certain that the person you’re interacting with is indeed describing a reality that you would agree with should you have experienced it along side that person? I can tell you that at least one person here is as I describe... I lived that reality with this person. Give it some thought. Things aren’t always as they seem. #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissist #isurvivedanarcissist #bpd #bpdawareness #thenarrativediesnow #controlthenarrative #castlecrumbles #cptsdsurvivor #isurvivedasociopath #survivingapsychopath #domesticviolencesurvivor
  • Projection is a defence mechanism common amongst NPD and BPD diagnoses. I have experienced this first hand for some time now; I didn’t understand it for what it was until very recently, but once it was pointed out to me, it became painfully obvious. It protects the brain from shattered ego and allows the projector to remove all responsibility from themselves, avoiding the painful realities of shame and guilt that most of us are familiar with. It is a childish defence and when used by adults indicates a poorly developed emotional fortitude, central to those diagnoses. I ask you, as the people who peruse these hashtags regularity, what are the odds that you are in fact interacting with the abusers? How can you be certain that the person you’re interacting with is indeed describing a reality that you would agree with should you have experienced it along side that person? I can tell you that at least one person here is as I describe... I lived that reality with this person. Give it some thought. Things aren’t always as they seem. #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissist #isurvivedanarcissist #bpd #bpdawareness #thenarrativediesnow #controlthenarrative #castlecrumbles #cptsdsurvivor #isurvivedasociopath #survivingapsychopath #domesticviolencesurvivor
  • 0 0 2 hours ago
  • It's simple..it's just hard.
  • It's simple..it's just hard.
  • 28 1 2 hours ago
  • Life has so much to offer you! Make 2020 the year you choose to just experience life more, travel, do something new, do something that sets your heart on 🔥..and make your life about more than just your current circumstances. Be passionate about your life - because we weren't meant to live it in mediocrity. Get rid of the can'ts and should ofs/could ofs.. I plan to.. 😁✈🗽🗼🎨🎷
  • Life has so much to offer you! Make 2020 the year you choose to just experience life more, travel, do something new, do something that sets your heart on 🔥..and make your life about more than just your current circumstances. Be passionate about your life - because we weren't meant to live it in mediocrity. Get rid of the can'ts and should ofs/could ofs.. I plan to.. 😁✈🗽🗼🎨🎷
  • 22 3 2 hours ago
  • Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.
________________________
Tag and Share. Follow us if you like our content. 🙏🔥❤️
  • Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.
    ________________________
    Tag and Share. Follow us if you like our content. 🙏🔥❤️
  • 67 11 3 hours ago
  • a blessed reminder for me and anyone else working to heal codependency.

let’s take stock of what we’re responsible for and realize that other people aren’t actually our problem to solve. and when someone’s consciously harming us, that isn’t an invitation to help them, it’s a cue to prioritize our safety and LEAVE.

these are the reminders my inner child/teen needs. maybe yours does too. 💛
  • a blessed reminder for me and anyone else working to heal codependency.

    let’s take stock of what we’re responsible for and realize that other people aren’t actually our problem to solve. and when someone’s consciously harming us, that isn’t an invitation to help them, it’s a cue to prioritize our safety and LEAVE.

    these are the reminders my inner child/teen needs. maybe yours does too. 💛
  • 452 5 4 hours ago
  • Malignant narcissists love putting their targets in one bad situation after another by design. They do this to feed off of the victim’s distress, and also garner Narcissistic Supply from playing the hero.
~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • Malignant narcissists love putting their targets in one bad situation after another by design. They do this to feed off of the victim’s distress, and also garner Narcissistic Supply from playing the hero.
    ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh
  • 288 16 5 hours ago
  • The Narcissist doesn't decide who you are. Even through all of the illusions and confusion, your Power of your Choice is everything. Unconscious or not, your choices reveal the Truth of who you are. The trauma is a part of your story, but it isn't your whole story.
  • The Narcissist doesn't decide who you are. Even through all of the illusions and confusion, your Power of your Choice is everything. Unconscious or not, your choices reveal the Truth of who you are. The trauma is a part of your story, but it isn't your whole story.
  • 13 1 6 hours ago