Last night, I was admitted into the ER for a massive anxiety attack. I have never in my 30 years felt or experienced anything of that caliber. I truly, in my soul, felt like I was going to die. In fact, I could swear that I felt my soul slipping out of my skin. I don’t know what it was caused by or if there was something truly wrong, but I know that it was beyond a shadow of a doubt the most terrifying experience of my life. The worst part was, Delray medical left me in a hallway with three other patients suffering from a form of mental illness. I felt forgotten, lost, alone and most of all, I felt like a plague. It was enough to evoke tears this morning after everything. I wish in this world that people would look at us like people. We suffer, hurt, we feel pain, but we are forgotten because it isn’t perceived as “real”. One day, when death does take me, I will come back and avenge all of those lost souls who were left to rot. I won’t let us be forgotten. As we are cursed with madness, we were given a tremendous gift. The gift of knowledge, intelligence, Art, music and the gift to see all that is to be seen, for what it is. We will be heard. We will be known. We will flourish in the Shivering Isles and find our paradise. The world may forget us, but we shall never die. Mad God’s Blessing.
I wrote a poem describing my experience last night. I’ll post it in the stories. This picture is what I saw when I was disoriented. -
Black box -
I have no advice for your my friend
Apart from - I have been to the darkness
And came back better.
I saw the lowest a soul can get
While still breathing
And survived to tell my story.
We are unique and so is our escape.
Place a hand in front of the other
And find your key,
The one aspect of you
That unlocks the trapdoor of emptiness,
Brings a warmth to the cold corner
To which you sit.
I have no advice for you my friend
Apart from don't believe in the four sides
That holds you.
There is more to life than being stuck,
Living behind the eyes
With the illusion
Life resembles an black box.
You are a spark among many,
So show your unique colour
And I promise,
You will no longer question or doubt,
Your ability to rise.
How to make lasting changes in your life, starts with inner work, not outer work.
There are struggles and self-limiting beliefs that we have to battle before we can move forward. Take some time for self-examination of where you are and where you want to be. Address that little voice in your head that gets uncomfortable at the thought of stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Be honest with yourself. For the inner work to manifest, it starts with honesty. It's too easy to lie -- especially to ourselves. Real change starts with getting honest about the things that have held you back in the past, and what scares you about the future. The transformation lasts when you get honest and stay honest. You will have setbacks, and honesty helps you keep from covering up what will help you.
For more self-empowerment and help please reach out.
You don’t have to sit down with negative emotions for hours. Make a choice. Move on. You manage your emotions. They don’t manage you.
115 hours ago
I can’t remember where I found this but I love it. It’s so true 🖤
10months ago, I felt like everything was awful, I would wake up feeling down, I would drag my way through the day and I was so relieved to go to sleep at the end of the day.
Now, I wake up happy. I’m excited for the day (no matter what lies ahead) and... well I’m still so relieved to go to sleep at the end of the day, but more because I’ve been busy, less for feeling mentally drained.
Not sure why I’ve felt the need to share that this morning, but I have. At the beginning of this year, I didn’t know how I could face another year of feeling that way and here I am, approaching next year feeling so different. It may feel like forever at the time, but things do get better 🖤
Lunch disini lagi "Honu Salad and 6Pack" , No Rice ~ The Breeze BSD City
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525 hours ago
Death comes to all, but great achievements build a monument which shall endure until the sun grows cold.
. 📸 by @photoholic_visitor .
Everyone would benefit from incorporating journal therapy into their lives, especially those who are experiencing the following: •Anxiety
•Creative mind blocks
•People in highly stressful and emotionally challenging jobs such as doctors, nurses, respite care practitioners, family members caring for sick or elderly relatives, teachers, childcare practitioners, firefighters, people in the forces, paramedics and therapists.
•Victims of abuse and domestic violence
•Victims of bullying
•Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)
The list is endless. I would also reiterate that if you are experiencing anything that is causing you distress or trauma, to contact a health professional for help. It is not advised that journal therapy is used as a stand alone tool as it may cause emotions to surface that you may find difficult to deal with.
This tray... is EVERYTHING! #SexyAsHell ... so comforting to my #OCD (apart from the fentanyl...) .
If you’ve ever worked with amazing, efficient, proactive, skilled and knowledgeable #nurses and #doctors before... adjusting to any other environment is rather painful... #takemebackibegyou
406 hours ago
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One shelf. 24 glasses. HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE ??! Moved the glasses four times. Hello there. Will definitely move the glasses again today. Monday-bastard let’s do this shit👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼🤪 #bodum#monday#modaybastard#ocd 🤔
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Let’s do a motivation Monday post! Haven’t done one in ages!! I’m currently riding a little out of my comfort zone right now having lost 5 stone but unfortunately have recently gained a few sneaky little pounds due to one thing and another going on in my life lately and needing to take a step back to focus on that! No one can really tell other than me as the clothes still fit but are just that little bit more snug 😬 So for the next 5 weeks up to Christmas I’m going ‘back to basics’. Now that my mental health is on an even keel I’m going to regain my focus and give it my all again. For me it’s not just the number on the scales as much it’s how I feel about myself internally and as I’m starting to feel much more like myself now let’s get that motivation back, gain control on my emotional eating and get back in my skinny jeans comfortably for Christmas! Anyone who knows me knows I love a challenge so COME ON BRING IT! 💪The plan works but only when you work the plan!👖 🎄 💪 💯Happy Monday 💕 #slimmingworld#foodoptimising#bodymagic#christmascountdown#weightlossjourney#fitover40#fightingdepression#dayonenotoneday#newstart#motivationmonday#dontgiveup#igotthis#ocd#perimenopause#backtobasics
1407 hours ago
Ponedjeljačna poslastica za sve s opsesivno-kompulzivnim poremećajem #ocd#ajeto
CLEANING 🧼 🧽🧴🧻🧹🧺
Now that I’m an #adult and I have my own home, I love to keep it clean, I do my “housework” weekly. And I literally use 1️⃣ product throughout my entire house; my best friend; my all natural THIEVES CLEANER! That’s right, no more nasty sprays that make me cough, no more windex and changing products, it’s me, my spray bottle & my country bangers getting this home clean 🧽 We have tiled floors throughout the major traffic zones, I literally just vacuum and then mop with, you guessed it THIEVES CLEANER (2 caps + water) 🍃💦 I hear you skeptics out there, it wouldn’t really clean, it must take a lot of elbow grease, that would be way too expensive for me! (Check my video by swiping across to see the magic for yourself). Let me break it down:
Thieves cleaner is all natural, plant based, cruelty & nasty free, tested & shown that it has anti-microbial and antibacterial properties and only costs $1.60 / 500ml spray bottle which is the cheapest organic cleaner you’ll ever find 🙌🏽
A realization both incredibly relieving yet bouts of additional existential crisis and how do I get better anxiety 🤣
..... Those of you that watched my ig stories heard me speak up about it when I found out I do and when I finally fully realized what it is that I struggle with everyday.
For anyone that does not know what ocd is completely and for those of you out there with this struggle as well I'm going to occasionally share my journey to help bring more awareness, and visibility 💖
Its others with OCD speaking out about thiers, that helped me to finally realize what I have... And
I really dont want anyone to think I'm broken, or that anyone else dealing with any dibilating illness mental or not, that were not full, complete people, capable of living pretty amazingly awesome lives... Because we can and we do... Sometimes it just looks different or is different in it's own ways that it might be
At the same time I really want to emphasize just how much of a horrible monster of an illness OCD actually is as its common to see people joking about having OCD, because they like things a certain way or are really organized etc... Those of us with OCD dont take any pleasure in what OCD causes us to feel like etc
OCD comes with a state of fear and grief and shame
I do encourage anyone wanting to learn about it even just for awareness and to be able to understand others and what they go through etc, I recommend you check out youtubers with OCD sharing thier journey and struggles etc.
as for where I'm at with how everything is going to be like for my ig account etc... It's just me, sharing things I enjoy, am passionate about, goofing off etc
I'll probably still write poetry to share on here it just might end up different then in the past maybe
Till then you'll be seeing vegan content, thrifting/sustainable affordable living, and me being the weirdo and legit crazy that I am!
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317 hours ago
OCD in combinatie met het ouderschap: Het kunnen zijn van moeder is iets waar ik nooit twijfels over heb gehad. Ook niet als OCD'er. Of dat ik 'het niet zou kunnen'. Als ik kijk naar mijn eigen kindertijd kijk ik terug op een liefdevolle periode waar ik, hoe jong ik ook was, werd geregeerd door datgeen waar ik bang voor was. Het eten van vlees? Ik was overtuigd erin te stikken. Tot aan heftige paniek toe. Mee naar Parijs met school? Ik lachtte de psycholoog uit waarna ik de zoveelste dwangaanval niet kon vermijden. Zo kan ik nog even wel doorgaan. Nu ikzelf moeder ben weet ik heel goed hoe ik samen met de meisjes eventuele angst zou willen aangaan. Maar weet je, ieder kind kent angst. Die ruimte moet er ook zijn denk ik. Angst is ook een proces, het ontdekken van, en ook dat is leren. Gelukkig zie ik geen alarmerende angst bij de meisjes, maar ook bij gezonde angst is het mooi te laten zien dat het helemaal niet zo eng is. Rustig pootje baden, niet direct samen in het diepe. Kinderen zijn gevoelig 💕 Hoe gaat jullie om met angst die bij de kinderen speelt? #ouderschap#heyhetisoke#ocd