In the study of anatomy, a lacuna is a hollowed out place or a cavity within a bone. In latin, lacuna means pit or hole, and while both carry the same element of something that is missed, a blank page is a start
“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” .
I’ve almost always traveled alone. It’s not that I don’t like or want company, it’s usually just that I want to go when I want to go and scheduling is difficult. Plus, having another person along means compromising and asking them to come in the first place. About me: I’ve always had this paralyzing fear of rejection — even for just plans with friends — so I’ve kind of conditioned myself to just go it alone and avoid the risk altogether. (Related sidebar: in college, someone wrote a YikYak about me that said “Paul Corgan: too many friends to count, but always sitting alone in the dining hall.” — I think that sums it up quite well as I’d rather eat alone than ask someone who might say no. I often find maintaining friendships (and especially romantic relationships) to be emotionally draining) ANYWAY, the above quote about going fast alone or far together really troubles me now. I fear, because of my habit of doing this, I have ventured off alone and now, returning to the “pack” I find I’ve missed out on a lot. Many of my friends are dating or engaged & in steady careers now, yet here I am alone and lost as to what I’m doing. While I’m definitely thankful for the lessons and experiences I’ve had traveling, I sometimes feel like I’ve made myself an outsider by choosing this path. At the end of his life, Chris McCandless (Into the Wild) wrote, “Happiness Only Real When Shared.” in his journal, and I think that’s the moral of this story. Humans are innately tribal yet this age of independence we live in encourages us to go it on our own and tells us “you don’t need anyone but yourself”. As this next year approaches, I’m going to work on being more open with the people I care about, I’m going to stop avoiding my unhappiness by traveling or other vises, and I’m going to try having a little more faith in people again.
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