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  • My beautiful friend Samantha called me yesterday morning while I was in the middle of a battle with my depression, I wanted to crawl back into bed & hide from the world. I was talking myself through every step.

I ate breakfast&took care of Bonnie. Win.

I showered. Win.

Sat there for like 20 minutes in a towel contemplating getting back under the covers.

Got up and dried my hair instead. Win.

Then I started pacing..I was so mad that I was in this fog. Annoyed to have to deal with it. 
Feeling defeated at the thought of having to pull myself out of it...AGAIN. Debating going backwards on some relationship behaviors I've been working months to overcome because,well it felt like a quick fix.

Then Samantha called.

I had called her a few hours ago as I felt this all weighing down on me and left a message "its heavy today,call me when you can"

A message that was hard to send but I've learned to reach out when I'm drowning. I don't always listen to that advice but today I did. 
Luckily had yet to put my makeup on because I answered the phone feeling okay but the moment she asked-what was going on?-que tears.

You see, shes been through this. She knows what its like to feel like two people sometimes. So shes my first call.

She asked if I wanted to go with her to return some things to the mall..last thing I WANTED to do but when you're actively battling a bout with depression, you know the best thing you can do is get out of the house.

Less than 5 minutes later, we switched the conversation to advice about boobjobs(a topic I'm super educated on &love talking about)
Mood Shift!

We spent the rest of the day aimlessly walking through the mall. No agenda expect to fill our cups. Random conversation,lots of fun interactions with people, snacks,lots of walking,&even found some perfectly necessary articles of clothing that we both just couldn't live without😋.
Moral of the story?
Action is what combats depression better than anything else.
Celebrating the small wins,no matter how small they may be.
Let yourself be loved on. When someone who cares about you offers to love you & hold space for you LET THEM.♡.
&never underestimate the power of some new lounge clothes🙌
  • My beautiful friend Samantha called me yesterday morning while I was in the middle of a battle with my depression, I wanted to crawl back into bed & hide from the world. I was talking myself through every step.

    I ate breakfast&took care of Bonnie. Win.

    I showered. Win.

    Sat there for like 20 minutes in a towel contemplating getting back under the covers.

    Got up and dried my hair instead. Win.

    Then I started pacing..I was so mad that I was in this fog. Annoyed to have to deal with it.
    Feeling defeated at the thought of having to pull myself out of it...AGAIN. Debating going backwards on some relationship behaviors I've been working months to overcome because,well it felt like a quick fix.

    Then Samantha called.

    I had called her a few hours ago as I felt this all weighing down on me and left a message "its heavy today,call me when you can"

    A message that was hard to send but I've learned to reach out when I'm drowning. I don't always listen to that advice but today I did.
    Luckily had yet to put my makeup on because I answered the phone feeling okay but the moment she asked-what was going on?-que tears.

    You see, shes been through this. She knows what its like to feel like two people sometimes. So shes my first call.

    She asked if I wanted to go with her to return some things to the mall..last thing I WANTED to do but when you're actively battling a bout with depression, you know the best thing you can do is get out of the house.

    Less than 5 minutes later, we switched the conversation to advice about boobjobs(a topic I'm super educated on &love talking about)
    Mood Shift!

    We spent the rest of the day aimlessly walking through the mall. No agenda expect to fill our cups. Random conversation,lots of fun interactions with people, snacks,lots of walking,&even found some perfectly necessary articles of clothing that we both just couldn't live without😋.
    Moral of the story?
    Action is what combats depression better than anything else.
    Celebrating the small wins,no matter how small they may be.
    Let yourself be loved on. When someone who cares about you offers to love you & hold space for you LET THEM.♡.
    &never underestimate the power of some new lounge clothes🙌
  • 3,592 313 30 September, 2019
  • Love these words of wisdom. As the school year is nearing an end this is so important to keep in the forefront. Amid testing, grading, cleaning out desks, and all the end of year craziness- the kids are what it’s about. Keep showing up, you’ve got this 👊🏼
  • Love these words of wisdom. As the school year is nearing an end this is so important to keep in the forefront. Amid testing, grading, cleaning out desks, and all the end of year craziness- the kids are what it’s about. Keep showing up, you’ve got this 👊🏼
  • 3,315 25 19 May, 2019
  • Want to know my issue? I’ve always been friends with people who I felt bad for. No, thats not everyone of my friends, but I’ve done it quite a few times in my past. Up until my friendship ended with someone over a year ago, I always became friends with people who others left out. Problem with this? Well to put it in the most blunt way, 9/10 times theres a reason these people don’t have many friends. What I’ve found is these people are usually not good friends or very toxic and don’t even know it. I get thats not always the case, but I unfortunately got to experience the bad ones. I will always try to make others feel included, because thats just who I am. But what i’ve done now is reevaluate these immature relationships. I let go of those who I tried to help and they ended up hurting me. I’ve let go of people who didn’t meet me 50/50. I understand now that friends are your support system, your fun, your trust, and ultimately friends are your unconditional love. I now know friendship isn’t about one person being vulnerable and the other putting up a guard. That friendship isn’t a one sided thing. I seriously could scream from mountains how much I love my friends that are in my life, they make me so happier and understand every mood and move I make. I know they’re lifelong friends who are going to be there to help on my wedding day, when Wade and I have baby gingers, and when things get tough. This is the kind of friendship that I’ve grown to know as adult relationships and i’m so grateful to have these vibes with them. No more of that previous immature temporary shit. None of this let me help you and then you burn me and my name behind my back. We aren’t kids anymore and i’ve finally learned I don’t want this immaturity in my life. I will forever include everyone but I will no longer give pieces of me to people who don’t deserve it.
  • Want to know my issue? I’ve always been friends with people who I felt bad for. No, thats not everyone of my friends, but I’ve done it quite a few times in my past. Up until my friendship ended with someone over a year ago, I always became friends with people who others left out. Problem with this? Well to put it in the most blunt way, 9/10 times theres a reason these people don’t have many friends. What I’ve found is these people are usually not good friends or very toxic and don’t even know it. I get thats not always the case, but I unfortunately got to experience the bad ones. I will always try to make others feel included, because thats just who I am. But what i’ve done now is reevaluate these immature relationships. I let go of those who I tried to help and they ended up hurting me. I’ve let go of people who didn’t meet me 50/50. I understand now that friends are your support system, your fun, your trust, and ultimately friends are your unconditional love. I now know friendship isn’t about one person being vulnerable and the other putting up a guard. That friendship isn’t a one sided thing. I seriously could scream from mountains how much I love my friends that are in my life, they make me so happier and understand every mood and move I make. I know they’re lifelong friends who are going to be there to help on my wedding day, when Wade and I have baby gingers, and when things get tough. This is the kind of friendship that I’ve grown to know as adult relationships and i’m so grateful to have these vibes with them. No more of that previous immature temporary shit. None of this let me help you and then you burn me and my name behind my back. We aren’t kids anymore and i’ve finally learned I don’t want this immaturity in my life. I will forever include everyone but I will no longer give pieces of me to people who don’t deserve it.
  • 436 33 8 March, 2019
  • Let’s talk about setbacks.

I’ve always been a believer in the notion that everything happens for a reason. I think you have a sense of control when it comes to your choices but ultimately life leads you in the direction you’re meant to go.

Everyone & everything, good & bad, serves to be a lesson...if you let it.

I’ve started seeing a new doctor. My specialist is fantastic but I’ve never had the same sentiment about my GP & i wanted that to change so I found a new one. She’s lovely, thorough & incredibly knowledgeable. I feel like I’m in good hands.

Before we started trying for a baby I went to get a check up to ensure I’d had all the relevant needles & my general health was ok. I had to get a booster at the time but that was it! You’re good to go, I was told, no concerns.

Last week I found out that was incorrect. See, I’m one of those lucky people who’s never had the chicken pox but unbeknownst to me, I’ve never had the vaccine either. Never. I thought I had. I’d actually asked to check once before & was told I was fine. But I wasn’t. 
Chicken pox as an adult is dangerous but during pregnancy is even worse, it’s incredibly high risk. So naturally I got the vaccine & I’m grateful. 
But sadly, what this also means is that we can’t fall pregnant this month, as there is a very high risk of miscarriage for the next 4 weeks.

I know one month in the scheme of a lifetime is nothing & the risk would never be worth it but it feels unfair. I could have known earlier. I tried to do the right thing & this feels like another setback. Or at least it did. 
I’m not going to lie. 
I cried for about 30 mins after our apt. 
But then I realised it was an opportunity to reset. To take a break & to focus some time back into my own health which I often neglect. Already I’ve given up coffee & I’m seeing an acupuncturist who i can feel is working wonders. 
Sometimes you can be so focused on the end result that you forget to fully prepare for the journey & this is exactly what I’m doing now. 
We may not fall pregnant next month or the one after but I know when we do, that baby is going to have a damn comfy home to live in & it will all be worth it🤰x
Makeup @sophiavallejos.artistry
  • Let’s talk about setbacks.

    I’ve always been a believer in the notion that everything happens for a reason. I think you have a sense of control when it comes to your choices but ultimately life leads you in the direction you’re meant to go.

    Everyone & everything, good & bad, serves to be a lesson...if you let it.

    I’ve started seeing a new doctor. My specialist is fantastic but I’ve never had the same sentiment about my GP & i wanted that to change so I found a new one. She’s lovely, thorough & incredibly knowledgeable. I feel like I’m in good hands.

    Before we started trying for a baby I went to get a check up to ensure I’d had all the relevant needles & my general health was ok. I had to get a booster at the time but that was it! You’re good to go, I was told, no concerns.

    Last week I found out that was incorrect. See, I’m one of those lucky people who’s never had the chicken pox but unbeknownst to me, I’ve never had the vaccine either. Never. I thought I had. I’d actually asked to check once before & was told I was fine. But I wasn’t.
    Chicken pox as an adult is dangerous but during pregnancy is even worse, it’s incredibly high risk. So naturally I got the vaccine & I’m grateful.
    But sadly, what this also means is that we can’t fall pregnant this month, as there is a very high risk of miscarriage for the next 4 weeks.

    I know one month in the scheme of a lifetime is nothing & the risk would never be worth it but it feels unfair. I could have known earlier. I tried to do the right thing & this feels like another setback. Or at least it did.
    I’m not going to lie.
    I cried for about 30 mins after our apt.
    But then I realised it was an opportunity to reset. To take a break & to focus some time back into my own health which I often neglect. Already I’ve given up coffee & I’m seeing an acupuncturist who i can feel is working wonders.
    Sometimes you can be so focused on the end result that you forget to fully prepare for the journey & this is exactly what I’m doing now.
    We may not fall pregnant next month or the one after but I know when we do, that baby is going to have a damn comfy home to live in & it will all be worth it🤰x
    Makeup @sophiavallejos.artistry
  • 226 58 7 May, 2019
  • F I G H T E R. 
I am someone who has spends their whole life fighting. Trying to make peace within myself. I spent the first part of my life not really knowing how to control my fears or worries so I fought externally. I created a war that no one could win. As I got older & matured, that war became internal. I learned to bottle up my emotions because society isn’t ready to deal with mental health. Yes, we all support bell lets talk day and similar movements, but not many people are willing to actually be there or do the research to know how too. Mental health issues are different for every single person, it’s not a one size fits all kind of thing and it will take time for all of us to learn each and every sign. I created “little bit of lisa” because I wanted to show the little bit of me that I’ve hid from the world in hopes I can reach someone whose lost. I put myself out there and be vulnerable in hopes that someone can relate & can find hope. I know society isn’t ready to understand anxiety, depression, or other disorders, but I believe that if we keep fighting, one day they will.
✨People know me as this outgoing bubbly person that isn’t afraid because thats who I fight to be. What you don’t know, is almost every minute i’m fighting myself. I’m fighting to beat my worries, my doubts, my insecurities. I hold things together because I am determined to not let my anxiety or depression win. I believe in being a strong & successful person while living with my mental health. I called my blog “little bit of lisa” because this is just a little part of me, this doesn’t define me.
✨ I strive to end the stigma that if you have a mental health disorder you’re “damaged” or “weird” because we all struggle with something that others can’t understand. Be brave & be okay with being vulnerable. The sooner we can talk about it, the sooner we can end the stigma and offer a hand to those who need it.
  • F I G H T E R.
    I am someone who has spends their whole life fighting. Trying to make peace within myself. I spent the first part of my life not really knowing how to control my fears or worries so I fought externally. I created a war that no one could win. As I got older & matured, that war became internal. I learned to bottle up my emotions because society isn’t ready to deal with mental health. Yes, we all support bell lets talk day and similar movements, but not many people are willing to actually be there or do the research to know how too. Mental health issues are different for every single person, it’s not a one size fits all kind of thing and it will take time for all of us to learn each and every sign. I created “little bit of lisa” because I wanted to show the little bit of me that I’ve hid from the world in hopes I can reach someone whose lost. I put myself out there and be vulnerable in hopes that someone can relate & can find hope. I know society isn’t ready to understand anxiety, depression, or other disorders, but I believe that if we keep fighting, one day they will.
    ✨People know me as this outgoing bubbly person that isn’t afraid because thats who I fight to be. What you don’t know, is almost every minute i’m fighting myself. I’m fighting to beat my worries, my doubts, my insecurities. I hold things together because I am determined to not let my anxiety or depression win. I believe in being a strong & successful person while living with my mental health. I called my blog “little bit of lisa” because this is just a little part of me, this doesn’t define me.
    ✨ I strive to end the stigma that if you have a mental health disorder you’re “damaged” or “weird” because we all struggle with something that others can’t understand. Be brave & be okay with being vulnerable. The sooner we can talk about it, the sooner we can end the stigma and offer a hand to those who need it.
  • 433 13 3 April, 2019

Latest Instagram Posts

  • « 𝓛𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓸ù ... »↴
.
.
•Le moment où ton souper à bruler et tu te sens conne . .
•Le moment où ton enfant ta dit que tu es la pire mère du monde ... parce que well, tu as agi en mère ! . •Le moment où tu as mal , mais VRAIMENT mal manger parce que soyons honnête tu as trop booké ton horaire et tu as oublié de prioriser ta santé, et là tu te dis ...F*ck it ! .
•Le moment où tu réalises que tu t’es trompé SOLIDEMENT de domaine mais tu te dis que ce ne serait pas possible de vivre de tes passions ... .
•Le moment où tu as mal et tu est enseveli par le regret, parce que à ce moment précis tu ne vois pas à quel point tu es incroyable, forte et unique. .
•Le moment où est dans une relation toxique qui t’étouffe mais tu ne le réalise pas parce que , tu penses presque tu mérites ce traitement-là et en plus tu l’aimeeeee. .
•Jusqu’au moment aussi simple où tu ne penses pas être capable de faire le dernier push up de ton training parce que ... Bordel que c’est un challenge ! .
.
CEST là!  Au moment où tu as envie de tout abandonner, c’est là que doit te relever la tête et avancer . .
Notre cerveau est conditionné à nous « protéger », nous éviter le changement et l’inconfort et c’est en refusant de rester dans les mêmes patterns que tu vas avancer . ↴
.
Pleure, cri, médite, écrit, créé, écoute de la musique ou confies-toi mais par-dessus tout ... .
Relève toi 🖤
  • « 𝓛𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓸ù ... »↴
    .
    .
    •Le moment où ton souper à bruler et tu te sens conne . .
    •Le moment où ton enfant ta dit que tu es la pire mère du monde ... parce que well, tu as agi en mère ! . •Le moment où tu as mal , mais VRAIMENT mal manger parce que soyons honnête tu as trop booké ton horaire et tu as oublié de prioriser ta santé, et là tu te dis ...F*ck it ! .
    •Le moment où tu réalises que tu t’es trompé SOLIDEMENT de domaine mais tu te dis que ce ne serait pas possible de vivre de tes passions ... .
    •Le moment où tu as mal et tu est enseveli par le regret, parce que à ce moment précis tu ne vois pas à quel point tu es incroyable, forte et unique. .
    •Le moment où est dans une relation toxique qui t’étouffe mais tu ne le réalise pas parce que , tu penses presque tu mérites ce traitement-là et en plus tu l’aimeeeee. .
    •Jusqu’au moment aussi simple où tu ne penses pas être capable de faire le dernier push up de ton training parce que ... Bordel que c’est un challenge ! .
    .
    CEST là! Au moment où tu as envie de tout abandonner, c’est là que doit te relever la tête et avancer . .
    Notre cerveau est conditionné à nous « protéger », nous éviter le changement et l’inconfort et c’est en refusant de rester dans les mêmes patterns que tu vas avancer . ↴
    .
    Pleure, cri, médite, écrit, créé, écoute de la musique ou confies-toi mais par-dessus tout ... .
    Relève toi 🖤
  • 30 1 13 December, 2019
  • Hoje é dia de vos dizer algo que nunca digo - Eu tenho 40 anos.

Se me perguntam a idade, não minto, mas só entro em conversas sobre idade para me criticar e diminuir. Admito, não lido bem com o envelhecimento. Não só com o óbvio, a pele marcada pelas incontáveis noites (e dias) de loucura que vivi, pelas três gravidezes, pelo desgaste da amamentação, mas também com a ideia de adoecer e morrer. Não que a morte me assuste ou o que há ou não do outro lado (há pois... 🤫), não é isso. Eu gosto é demasiado da minha vida e deste planeta. Apesar de já ter vivido experiências péssimas, ainda me apaixono profundamente por esta caminhada incrível todos os dias. Há sempre algo para aprender, algo a descobrir, uma música que me invade, um sorriso que me preenche, uma carícia que me estremece.

Não é fácil viver na minha cabeça. Esta cabeça não pára e os pensamentos são pessimistas, carregadinhos de culpa e de presságios nefastos sobre tudo (quem me conhece sabe que levo isto ao limite absurdo, chega a ser cómico). Sou aquela que sabe puxar alguém para cima, mas que consigo falha redondamente. Parece tão simples quando aconselhamos os outros... Mas não desisto! Nunca desisto de perdoar, de curar e de melhorar. Todos os dias são dias de perdão, de cura e de evolução. Largar o que não serve e agarrar com mais força o que me alimenta.

E admitindo tudo isto, admito também que a foto tem filtro e que as rugas são bem mais visíveis do que isto. E tudo bem. Sem vergonha. Sem culpa. 
Esta minha página é para ser real. Comida real e não foto de revista, família real e não personagens de novela. Somos carne, alma e sonhos reais 💚

#reallife #rawlife #barbaraword #barbaraword #famíliadecinco #rawwords #comfiltro
  • Hoje é dia de vos dizer algo que nunca digo - Eu tenho 40 anos.

    Se me perguntam a idade, não minto, mas só entro em conversas sobre idade para me criticar e diminuir. Admito, não lido bem com o envelhecimento. Não só com o óbvio, a pele marcada pelas incontáveis noites (e dias) de loucura que vivi, pelas três gravidezes, pelo desgaste da amamentação, mas também com a ideia de adoecer e morrer. Não que a morte me assuste ou o que há ou não do outro lado (há pois... 🤫), não é isso. Eu gosto é demasiado da minha vida e deste planeta. Apesar de já ter vivido experiências péssimas, ainda me apaixono profundamente por esta caminhada incrível todos os dias. Há sempre algo para aprender, algo a descobrir, uma música que me invade, um sorriso que me preenche, uma carícia que me estremece.

    Não é fácil viver na minha cabeça. Esta cabeça não pára e os pensamentos são pessimistas, carregadinhos de culpa e de presságios nefastos sobre tudo (quem me conhece sabe que levo isto ao limite absurdo, chega a ser cómico). Sou aquela que sabe puxar alguém para cima, mas que consigo falha redondamente. Parece tão simples quando aconselhamos os outros... Mas não desisto! Nunca desisto de perdoar, de curar e de melhorar. Todos os dias são dias de perdão, de cura e de evolução. Largar o que não serve e agarrar com mais força o que me alimenta.

    E admitindo tudo isto, admito também que a foto tem filtro e que as rugas são bem mais visíveis do que isto. E tudo bem. Sem vergonha. Sem culpa.
    Esta minha página é para ser real. Comida real e não foto de revista, família real e não personagens de novela. Somos carne, alma e sonhos reais 💚

    #reallife #rawlife #barbaraword #barbaraword #famíliadecinco #rawwords #comfiltro
  • 97 31 12 December, 2019
  • I am not a firefly.
Sometimes I am dim.
I brighten the space for you.
Defense on a whim.
.
But I am not a firefly.
Sometimes I am just me.
Alone at my house.
Painting what I see.
.
I am not a firefly.
I sit and wait and sit.
Why am I so still.
In my stomach theres a pit.
.
Because I am not a firefly.
I now know this to be true.
With no forward motion.
I’m learning what to do.
.
I am not a firefly.
I wait and sit and wait.
For something more to happen.
I believed it was my fate.
.
But I am not a firefly.
I need to break free.
This idea keeps me hidden.
From feeling what is me.
.
I am not a firefly.
I am just human.
Sometimes my light.
Can be too consuming.
.
I am not a firefly.
I need to let go.
To feel these emotions.
I know I need to grow.
.
Because I am not a firefly.
I am just me.
Like everyone else.
I struggle with my chi. .
.
.
.
.
#harknessmovement #iamnotafirefly #rawwords #gotthefeels #emotionalgrowth #behuman
  • I am not a firefly.
    Sometimes I am dim.
    I brighten the space for you.
    Defense on a whim.
    .
    But I am not a firefly.
    Sometimes I am just me.
    Alone at my house.
    Painting what I see.
    .
    I am not a firefly.
    I sit and wait and sit.
    Why am I so still.
    In my stomach theres a pit.
    .
    Because I am not a firefly.
    I now know this to be true.
    With no forward motion.
    I’m learning what to do.
    .
    I am not a firefly.
    I wait and sit and wait.
    For something more to happen.
    I believed it was my fate.
    .
    But I am not a firefly.
    I need to break free.
    This idea keeps me hidden.
    From feeling what is me.
    .
    I am not a firefly.
    I am just human.
    Sometimes my light.
    Can be too consuming.
    .
    I am not a firefly.
    I need to let go.
    To feel these emotions.
    I know I need to grow.
    .
    Because I am not a firefly.
    I am just me.
    Like everyone else.
    I struggle with my chi. .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    #harknessmovement #iamnotafirefly #rawwords #gotthefeels #emotionalgrowth #behuman
  • 31 3 13 November, 2019
  • Let’s jump together
~AP
  • Let’s jump together
    ~AP
  • 13 2 13 November, 2019
  • It's been a recurring theme lately, that moments are what make up a lifetime. I've met some new friends reconnected with some old, and for whatever reason we all seem to be with that same understanding. Like attracts like, at least sometimes 🙂
If you find yourself existing in the moments (that inevitably make up your life) in a way that doesn't create the life you imagine or want for yourself, you have to get really honest with yourself. Do you do things regularly (everyday even?) that harm your body? Think and speak in a way that puts you into a cycle of negativity, anger, fear, stress? Place yourself around people who also do these things?
The best way to get out of the cycle is to understand that you are the only thing keeping you in it and the only thing that can get you out of it. And it starts with conscious awareness and a moment. Choosing something that is good for your body, mind, spirit, entire existence- every moment.
Even though I've not been as vulnerable here as some people choose to be (which i think is great and appreciate you), I've always been honest and had only intentions of sparking light.  My only purpose now in this life is to serve. Truth is something I'm really good at and while I've had my moments of feeling such hurt that I've used truth to hurt back (i am having a very human experience and like everyone, choose to have those human moments. But i do learn from them), I've never used it without some positive purpose.
Every single one of us is going to transition from the body we have now. To spend the moments that are your life in a way that doesnt align with what you truly want, who you are and wish to be, and what youd like to experience, you're going to come to your final moment wishing you could turn back time. 
One of the few things over which we have zero control is time. Use it well.
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#timeislife #beallhere #youarehere ##rawwords #makemomentscount #beofservice #weareallinthistogether #mamur #mustapha #begooddogoodfeelgood
  • It's been a recurring theme lately, that moments are what make up a lifetime. I've met some new friends reconnected with some old, and for whatever reason we all seem to be with that same understanding. Like attracts like, at least sometimes 🙂
    If you find yourself existing in the moments (that inevitably make up your life) in a way that doesn't create the life you imagine or want for yourself, you have to get really honest with yourself. Do you do things regularly (everyday even?) that harm your body? Think and speak in a way that puts you into a cycle of negativity, anger, fear, stress? Place yourself around people who also do these things?
    The best way to get out of the cycle is to understand that you are the only thing keeping you in it and the only thing that can get you out of it. And it starts with conscious awareness and a moment. Choosing something that is good for your body, mind, spirit, entire existence- every moment.
    Even though I've not been as vulnerable here as some people choose to be (which i think is great and appreciate you), I've always been honest and had only intentions of sparking light. My only purpose now in this life is to serve. Truth is something I'm really good at and while I've had my moments of feeling such hurt that I've used truth to hurt back (i am having a very human experience and like everyone, choose to have those human moments. But i do learn from them), I've never used it without some positive purpose.
    Every single one of us is going to transition from the body we have now. To spend the moments that are your life in a way that doesnt align with what you truly want, who you are and wish to be, and what youd like to experience, you're going to come to your final moment wishing you could turn back time.
    One of the few things over which we have zero control is time. Use it well.
    .
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    .
    .
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    .
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    .
    #timeislife #beallhere #youarehere # #rawwords #makemomentscount #beofservice #weareallinthistogether #mamur #mustapha #begooddogoodfeelgood
  • 5 0 8 November, 2019
  • .
Suddenly an old female patient is here in my mind
She was lean, lying on stretcher, short hair as she was recovering from alopecia secondary to chemotherapy,
Suffering from cancer relapse,
This time, it was in her brain.
She was in extreme pain but so feeble that she couldn't even cry for help.
We placed a tube in her brain surgically
which was required by oncologists to give her
chemotherapeutic drugs,
It was a bad case with many
complications so she visited again and again and every time in the same condition because
there was no more possibility of worsening.
When I left the electives, she was still there. Idk how is she now, most probably dead. Idk why am I remembering her. Idk why am I thinking about it as I can't do anything in it. Idk. Idk
anything. I just know that recalling her is painful, extremely.
.
#medlife #medstudent #wards #clinics #clinicalcases #whatwegothrough #surgery #ot #neurosurgery #oncology #metastasis #medicalstudents #rawwords #whatisonmymind #depictingthoughts
  • .
    Suddenly an old female patient is here in my mind
    She was lean, lying on stretcher, short hair as she was recovering from alopecia secondary to chemotherapy,
    Suffering from cancer relapse,
    This time, it was in her brain.
    She was in extreme pain but so feeble that she couldn't even cry for help.
    We placed a tube in her brain surgically
    which was required by oncologists to give her
    chemotherapeutic drugs,
    It was a bad case with many
    complications so she visited again and again and every time in the same condition because
    there was no more possibility of worsening.
    When I left the electives, she was still there. Idk how is she now, most probably dead. Idk why am I remembering her. Idk why am I thinking about it as I can't do anything in it. Idk. Idk
    anything. I just know that recalling her is painful, extremely.
    .
    #medlife #medstudent #wards #clinics #clinicalcases #whatwegothrough #surgery #ot #neurosurgery #oncology #metastasis #medicalstudents #rawwords #whatisonmymind #depictingthoughts
  • 20 0 1 November, 2019
  • Can I be real for a sec? ✌🏽
.
I’ve encountered some pretty strange people lately.
As in, friends who don’t reply and have apparently dropped off the planet, 🌎
Strangers who apparently have STRONG opinions about how I raise my fur children, 🐕🐕
A neighbor who spouted out anger towards me for the first time in my entire lifetime of knowing said person... 🗣
Friends who “come through” and give me great offers of help, only to turn around in a matter of days and refuse the help they’ve offered, 🤝
And the repetition of guys who show interest in me and for some reason or other fade away... 🌬
Leaving a woman to wonder about her worth and value to this world.
.
That’s the simple version of it all.
.
I don’t need answers for why any of these behaviors are so.
I’ve pondered them in depth and breadth myself already. 🤔 💭💭💭 If you make it this far into my post, what I ask of you friend is that you pray for protection for this precious soul. 🤲🏽💛✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
She’s done believing she deserves to be the target of other people’s insecurities, anger, bitterness, and false confidence, and more. 🎯
.
If you’re one of those “strange people” and have used me as your target,
you’re forgiven,
But don’t do it again.
If you haven’t, friend, know that there are strange people out there going through “stuff.”
But you or I don’t need to take the brunt of the baggage, insecurities, or hurt they carry. 🧳 .
.
#JustBeingReal #RealWords ✌🏽#RawThoughts #RawWords
#StrangePeople #HurtPeopleHurtPeople
#DoneTakingYourShit #ThoughtLife
#PrayForThem
#PrayForMe
  • Can I be real for a sec? ✌🏽
    .
    I’ve encountered some pretty strange people lately.
    As in, friends who don’t reply and have apparently dropped off the planet, 🌎
    Strangers who apparently have STRONG opinions about how I raise my fur children, 🐕🐕
    A neighbor who spouted out anger towards me for the first time in my entire lifetime of knowing said person... 🗣
    Friends who “come through” and give me great offers of help, only to turn around in a matter of days and refuse the help they’ve offered, 🤝
    And the repetition of guys who show interest in me and for some reason or other fade away... 🌬
    Leaving a woman to wonder about her worth and value to this world.
    .
    That’s the simple version of it all.
    .
    I don’t need answers for why any of these behaviors are so.
    I’ve pondered them in depth and breadth myself already. 🤔 💭💭💭 If you make it this far into my post, what I ask of you friend is that you pray for protection for this precious soul. 🤲🏽💛✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
    She’s done believing she deserves to be the target of other people’s insecurities, anger, bitterness, and false confidence, and more. 🎯
    .
    If you’re one of those “strange people” and have used me as your target,
    you’re forgiven,
    But don’t do it again.
    If you haven’t, friend, know that there are strange people out there going through “stuff.”
    But you or I don’t need to take the brunt of the baggage, insecurities, or hurt they carry. 🧳 .
    .
    #JustBeingReal #RealWords ✌🏽 #RawThoughts #RawWords
    #StrangePeople #HurtPeopleHurtPeople
    #DoneTakingYourShit #ThoughtLife
    #PrayForThem
    #PrayForMe
  • 18 4 2 October, 2019
  • My beautiful friend Samantha called me yesterday morning while I was in the middle of a battle with my depression, I wanted to crawl back into bed & hide from the world. I was talking myself through every step.

I ate breakfast&took care of Bonnie. Win.

I showered. Win.

Sat there for like 20 minutes in a towel contemplating getting back under the covers.

Got up and dried my hair instead. Win.

Then I started pacing..I was so mad that I was in this fog. Annoyed to have to deal with it. 
Feeling defeated at the thought of having to pull myself out of it...AGAIN. Debating going backwards on some relationship behaviors I've been working months to overcome because,well it felt like a quick fix.

Then Samantha called.

I had called her a few hours ago as I felt this all weighing down on me and left a message "its heavy today,call me when you can"

A message that was hard to send but I've learned to reach out when I'm drowning. I don't always listen to that advice but today I did. 
Luckily had yet to put my makeup on because I answered the phone feeling okay but the moment she asked-what was going on?-que tears.

You see, shes been through this. She knows what its like to feel like two people sometimes. So shes my first call.

She asked if I wanted to go with her to return some things to the mall..last thing I WANTED to do but when you're actively battling a bout with depression, you know the best thing you can do is get out of the house.

Less than 5 minutes later, we switched the conversation to advice about boobjobs(a topic I'm super educated on &love talking about)
Mood Shift!

We spent the rest of the day aimlessly walking through the mall. No agenda expect to fill our cups. Random conversation,lots of fun interactions with people, snacks,lots of walking,&even found some perfectly necessary articles of clothing that we both just couldn't live without😋.
Moral of the story?
Action is what combats depression better than anything else.
Celebrating the small wins,no matter how small they may be.
Let yourself be loved on. When someone who cares about you offers to love you & hold space for you LET THEM.♡.
&never underestimate the power of some new lounge clothes🙌
  • My beautiful friend Samantha called me yesterday morning while I was in the middle of a battle with my depression, I wanted to crawl back into bed & hide from the world. I was talking myself through every step.

    I ate breakfast&took care of Bonnie. Win.

    I showered. Win.

    Sat there for like 20 minutes in a towel contemplating getting back under the covers.

    Got up and dried my hair instead. Win.

    Then I started pacing..I was so mad that I was in this fog. Annoyed to have to deal with it.
    Feeling defeated at the thought of having to pull myself out of it...AGAIN. Debating going backwards on some relationship behaviors I've been working months to overcome because,well it felt like a quick fix.

    Then Samantha called.

    I had called her a few hours ago as I felt this all weighing down on me and left a message "its heavy today,call me when you can"

    A message that was hard to send but I've learned to reach out when I'm drowning. I don't always listen to that advice but today I did.
    Luckily had yet to put my makeup on because I answered the phone feeling okay but the moment she asked-what was going on?-que tears.

    You see, shes been through this. She knows what its like to feel like two people sometimes. So shes my first call.

    She asked if I wanted to go with her to return some things to the mall..last thing I WANTED to do but when you're actively battling a bout with depression, you know the best thing you can do is get out of the house.

    Less than 5 minutes later, we switched the conversation to advice about boobjobs(a topic I'm super educated on &love talking about)
    Mood Shift!

    We spent the rest of the day aimlessly walking through the mall. No agenda expect to fill our cups. Random conversation,lots of fun interactions with people, snacks,lots of walking,&even found some perfectly necessary articles of clothing that we both just couldn't live without😋.
    Moral of the story?
    Action is what combats depression better than anything else.
    Celebrating the small wins,no matter how small they may be.
    Let yourself be loved on. When someone who cares about you offers to love you & hold space for you LET THEM.♡.
    &never underestimate the power of some new lounge clothes🙌
  • 3,592 313 30 September, 2019
  • • There are some wars we never come back from, especially the ones fought within ourselves. So, slowly I walk through the battlefield, giving the dead their proper burial. •

August’s self portrait, my words. I wrote this a few weeks ago. Pain resulting from trauma have been my closest ghosts, something that I have clung to, thought it as my identity.  It sounds ridiculous, but ‘letting go’ to me for so long meant that I was letting go of the memories. Good and bad. The humans in them. I thought that somehow, if I ‘moved on’ I would lose them. More than I physically did. That I would have to say goodbye to it. All of it.  The gruesome memories in my mind that cause my stomach to clench and my throat tighten. The beautiful memories that are triggered by a song, a scent, even down to the way the sunlight shines through the leaves on a summer’s eve. The good and the bad. Painful real shit that happened. Thoughts such as the “You are your pain” were a constant to me. All these years. Letting it define and rule my heart and soul. Constantly fighting within myself, the whole truly loving/true pain ordeal. It’s been a long road, and I’m not saying I won’t break down from time to time, but I feel something deep growing inside of me. A small, but forceful bud of hope. My pain does not control me. It is not who I am as a human, and I am not the pain that happened to me. It was out of my control. It has changed me, yes. I am stronger now, and with that strength I can break and fall so very easily. But I see this world a little differently. Now it is my time to slowly, bit by bit, lay the cold hard painful hurt to rest. To kiss the cold taste of it all, and gently lay it down for its final breath.

#nationalsuicidepreventionday #laurasparrowphotography #healing #moodphotography #photooftheday #raw #rawwords #honestwords #powerofhealing #lovelost #soulregained #portraitphotography #wildchild #photographthepeople #gypsysoul #goddess #postthepeople #photography #wildchild #selflove #selflove #beautifulhuman #goddess #postthepeople #portrait_shots #discoverportrait #pursuitofportraits #makeportraits #charleston
  • • There are some wars we never come back from, especially the ones fought within ourselves. So, slowly I walk through the battlefield, giving the dead their proper burial. •

    August’s self portrait, my words. I wrote this a few weeks ago. Pain resulting from trauma have been my closest ghosts, something that I have clung to, thought it as my identity. It sounds ridiculous, but ‘letting go’ to me for so long meant that I was letting go of the memories. Good and bad. The humans in them. I thought that somehow, if I ‘moved on’ I would lose them. More than I physically did. That I would have to say goodbye to it. All of it. The gruesome memories in my mind that cause my stomach to clench and my throat tighten. The beautiful memories that are triggered by a song, a scent, even down to the way the sunlight shines through the leaves on a summer’s eve. The good and the bad. Painful real shit that happened. Thoughts such as the “You are your pain” were a constant to me. All these years. Letting it define and rule my heart and soul. Constantly fighting within myself, the whole truly loving/true pain ordeal. It’s been a long road, and I’m not saying I won’t break down from time to time, but I feel something deep growing inside of me. A small, but forceful bud of hope. My pain does not control me. It is not who I am as a human, and I am not the pain that happened to me. It was out of my control. It has changed me, yes. I am stronger now, and with that strength I can break and fall so very easily. But I see this world a little differently. Now it is my time to slowly, bit by bit, lay the cold hard painful hurt to rest. To kiss the cold taste of it all, and gently lay it down for its final breath.

    #nationalsuicidepreventionday #laurasparrowphotography #healing #moodphotography #photooftheday #raw #rawwords #honestwords #powerofhealing #lovelost #soulregained #portraitphotography #wildchild #photographthepeople #gypsysoul #goddess #postthepeople #photography #wildchild #selflove #selflove #beautifulhuman #goddess #postthepeople #portrait_shots #discoverportrait #pursuitofportraits #makeportraits #charleston
  • 11 0 10 September, 2019
  • ‘Raw’ - a collection of unapologetic pieces
.
Available on Amazon. Link in bio.
.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Raw-Alexandra-Shaw/dp/1087146321
.
Before it even all came out of me in this form, before I even quite knew what I was doing, I knew that one day the acknowledgements would be: ‘For anyone who thought that I couldn’t, and for everyone who believed that I could.’
.
‘That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.’ - F. Scott Fitzgerald
.
See what you think ✨
  • ‘Raw’ - a collection of unapologetic pieces
    .
    Available on Amazon. Link in bio.
    .
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Raw-Alexandra-Shaw/dp/1087146321
    .
    Before it even all came out of me in this form, before I even quite knew what I was doing, I knew that one day the acknowledgements would be: ‘For anyone who thought that I couldn’t, and for everyone who believed that I could.’
    .
    ‘That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.’ - F. Scott Fitzgerald
    .
    See what you think ✨
  • 58 1 8 September, 2019
  • <marriage>

Dear soul mate,

In the 15 years of trials and fear
We cradled babies for 13 years 
We once met in our very young days
We sacrificed our passions for our little boys we hold so dear
We have different goals, different hopes and dreams
Our difference keeps us together as the rain pours, as the sun beams
often our days end with our tired eyes and aching heads
As I lay my head to rest on a familiar place 
They hold the weight of my world instead 
Our smiles on our children’s faces makes our hearts fulfilled
We fight, we break, we argue but we move forward and we build 
Our disagreements are nothing but temporary errors
We both make mistakes we are not infallible
We are both aware of the mirage of perfection 
We know that success is somewhere in life’s mottled complexion 
We don’t have the perfect marriage they say
We question each other everyday 
The perfect husband or wife? 
Mental tick boxes are a waste of life
In the end of it all and for the next years gifted
dear life, once we have parted
It only matters 
Is we lived, loved and respected ~mrsyasminr


  • Dear soul mate,

    In the 15 years of trials and fear
    We cradled babies for 13 years
    We once met in our very young days
    We sacrificed our passions for our little boys we hold so dear
    We have different goals, different hopes and dreams
    Our difference keeps us together as the rain pours, as the sun beams
    often our days end with our tired eyes and aching heads
    As I lay my head to rest on a familiar place
    They hold the weight of my world instead
    Our smiles on our children’s faces makes our hearts fulfilled
    We fight, we break, we argue but we move forward and we build
    Our disagreements are nothing but temporary errors
    We both make mistakes we are not infallible
    We are both aware of the mirage of perfection
    We know that success is somewhere in life’s mottled complexion
    We don’t have the perfect marriage they say
    We question each other everyday
    The perfect husband or wife?
    Mental tick boxes are a waste of life
    In the end of it all and for the next years gifted
    dear life, once we have parted
    It only matters
    Is we lived, loved and respected ~mrsyasminr
  • 21 3 8 September, 2019